Albus, I Knocked Up a Weasley
by Runny Ink
Summary: Complete! Due to an accident, Ron is expecting and Professor Snape is the father. Mild slash but not between RW and SS (and pretty one sided) MPreg
1. An Originally Stupid Plan

Title: Albus, I Knocked up a Weasley Authors: Runny Ink and Justin Thyme Email: readingintheshower@yahoo.com Fandom: Harry Potter Archiving: Ask and you shall receive Rating: PG-13 Categories: Humor, MPreg, very mild Slash Pairing: RW and SS, but not a romantic pairing. Summary: Due to an accident, Ron is expecting and Professor Snape is the father. Mild slash but not between RW and SS (and pretty one sided). Warnings: We were going for humor. Sorry if we fell short :-). This is a story of male pregnancy. There will be some very mild slash, but not acted upon and not between the pairing. OOC Harry, as well. Disclaimer: We own nothing, and hopefully the owners won't be too upset with what we've done with the characters.  
  
Prologue: When an Originally Stupid Plan Goes Horribly Wrong  
  
For Ron, his seventh year at Hogwarts had been going well, until about a third of the term was gone; that's when Hermione had started freaking out about N.E.W.T.S. and Harry had started fretting over each and every one of his Quidditch games. They were the last he'd ever play for Gryffindor, he'd reminded Ron when he had talked him into practicing with him, looking on the verge of crying.  
  
This meant that Ron's every waking moment was now taken up by either Hermione's insane study schedule that she had so thoughtfully provided her two best friends, or flying around with Harry. Normally, flying around with Harry was great, but over the past month, Harry had become more and more - the only word Ron could think of was - protective over Ron, to the point that he had actually reached out and started guiding Ron's broom. Ron was seriously considering consulting with Madame Pomfrey about his friend's mental health, or jinxing Harry's broom so it went out of control when anywhere near Ron.  
  
Heaving a deep sigh, Ron headed back towards Gryffindor Tower. Broom slung over one shoulder, he was returning from one such annoying practice session. Harry had wanted to stay out longer; it was Saturday so there were no classes, but there was a study schedule they were both avoiding. Ron hoped to avoid both the books and his odd friend, so he had begged off after an hour, saying he had a headache. He only hoped he could get to his dorm before being spotted by Hermione.  
  
At that very moment, Professor Snape was headed towards the hospital wing, carrying a supply of Dilly Willy No contraceptive potion for the older students. That year wasn't turning out much better for him. It seemed that one of his least favorite students, one Hermione Granger, had gotten it into her head that he wouldn't be in such a foul mood all the time if he had a little 'companionship.' Since Miss Granger was in charge of the seating for that year's formal Christmas party, she had taken it upon herself to put him smack dab in the middle of a group of eligible female professors. He wouldn't have known about it if it weren't for the teasing he was getting from the head master.  
  
"Brats, the lot of them," he muttered darkly as he swept down the nearly deserted hall. "No amount of 'companionship' will make me ever like those over-sexed monsters. I ought to switch the contraceptive with a rash inducer; that would serve the deviants right."  
  
Both professor and student carried on, lost in their own thoughts and not caring to watch where they were going. It was almost inevitable. As they approached each other in the hallway, neither looked up, both having encountered no one else. It wasn't surprising that they collided.  
  
The surprising bit, however, was the hex that was thrown out at them just as Ron crashed head long into his tall potions professor. Off in a side hall, hidden from view, Crabbe and Goyle had been waiting for an opportunity to get Harry, Ron or Hermione; which one, they weren't picky about. Draco had been in a bad mood lately, as well, and they had hoped that a nice little prank on his favorite nemesis and friends would cheer him up. It wasn't anything that would hurt him. Just a harmless reversal spell that would have had Ron walking and talking backwards until the counter curse had been administered. Unfortunately, things don't always go as planned. Not suprising since both were about as magical as an audit from the Ministry tax agents.  
  
The two thick (in more ways than one) boys had not noticed their head of house was in the way until it was too late. Crabbe and Goyle had lunged out of the alcove at the same time, bashing themselves together and crossing their wands, as they both shouted the curse. What they had forgotten to do was decide who was going to do the casting; each one had assumed it would be himself. Purple sparks, something that wasn't supposed to happen, shot out of their wands and struck Ron, Snape and the bottles of potion.  
  
Several things happened at once, in a matter of seconds. The potion bottles exploded in Snape's hand, glass flying out of the carrier and slicing one of his hands badly. As the potion spattered, so did the blood that was coming out of what ended up being a gushing wound on the heel of his hand. The professor had the sense to quickly turn his head away the moment he heard the shattering glass; Ron, on the other had, had been taken by surprise and yelled out.  
  
Which is why the potion, mixed with some of Snape's blood, hit him full in the face and into his mouth as the spell did its job. Though not in the way expected.  
  
And that was how it started. That was how Ron Weasley and Severus Snape's school year got a whole lot worse.  
  
Chapter One: Someone, Please Tell Me This is a Nightmare!  
  
Severus hit the floor clutching his hand to himself, clenching his jaw so he wouldn't yell just as loudly as Mr. Weasley had. Once he was certain he wouldn't embarrass himself by crying out in pain, he looked around, taking stock of what had happened.  
  
Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle were standing above him, slack jaws hanging open in surprise and wands at their sides. Mr. Weasley was on the floor across from him, seemingly unhurt. His mouth was also hanging open in shock, the purple potion, and some blood the professor was sure was his own, coating the boy's face and shirt.  
  
Severus looked down at the shattered bottles. There was purple potion spattered all over the carpet in the hall as well as more of his blood. That wasn't right. That potion had been a pale yellow.  
  
"What have you two incompetents done?!" Professor Snape bellowed at his students.  
  
The two Slytherins exchanged panicked glances, looking rather pale, before turning back to their professor. They shook their heads, panic freezing their tongues. Snape just glowered at them.  
  
"Goyle, go find the headmaster and tell him there has been an accident and that Mr. Weasley and myself are in the hospital wing. Crabbe, you are coming with me, and you *will* explain yourselves," Severus stood up and looked down at the still shocked and dazed Ron. "Mr. Weasley, I suggest you close your gapping mau and follow me to see Madame Pompfrey. God only knows what you've ingested."  
  
Ron scrambled to his feet and chased after the potions master who was already stalking down the hall in a billow of cloak.  
  
* * *  
  
Ron was frightened. Madame Pomfrey had had little trouble fixing Professor Snape's hand, though Ron had made the mistake of looking at it before she had finished. He thought he was going to be sick at the sight of that ragged cut, oozing copious amounts of blood. The results of the potion he had swallowed, however, had yet to be determined.  
  
"A reversal hex," Albus Dumbledore mused as he sat perched on the side of Ron's bed. "Harmless; inconvenient, possibly even humorous, but harmless. And Severus, you said that the potion was a new batch of contraceptive?"  
  
"Yes, Professor," Snape replied, rolling his eyes. "I was on my way to deliver the concoction you insist on providing for these hypersexual teenagers when Mr. Weasley was ambushed and I was caught in the cross fire."  
  
"Yes, indeed," Albus laughed lightly. "Though I doubt Mr.'s Crabbe and Goyle intended to cross wands. I'm afraid there's just no way to tell what the altered potion may have done, at least not yet."  
  
"Here we are," Madame Pomfrey twittered as she flowed into the room, handing Ron a glass. "Hopefully this will purge the potion."  
  
"Here goes," Ron muttered as he eyed the stagnant looking concoction. He chugged it down as quickly as possible to avoid tasting it.  
  
"We'll know for certain tomorrow if there are any side affects," Pomfrey announced. "In the mean time I prefer to keep Mr. Weasley here where I can keep an eye on him. Hopefully, that mixed up spell only changed the color of the potion."  
  
"On that note, we'll leave you to rest," Dumbledore said, patting Ron on the shoulder.  
  
Snape simply stalked out, muttering darkly about detentions and Filch's beloved chains and thumbscrews.  
  
Ron sighed heavily, wondering if it could get any worse, and seriously hoping he wouldn't find out.  
  
* * *  
  
"Ron."  
  
Startled out of a light doze, Ron opened his eyes to find Harry leaning over him, worry in his eyes.  
  
"Professor McGonagall told Hermione and me what happened. Are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess," Ron replied, scooting up a little so that Harry wasn't quite so close. "I don't feel any different, at least. It was just a bunged up hex is all."  
  
"That's a relief. Here, I brought you something."  
  
"Thanks, Harry," Ron smiled, perking up as he was handed a small pile of chocolate frogs. "Is Hermione coming to visit?"  
  
"She's in the library right now, but she said she'd come by with your study materials so you don't get too behind."  
  
"Ohhh! Nice!" Ron said sarcastically. Both boys laughed.  
  
* * *  
  
The next morning, Harry returned, this time with Hermione, right after breakfast.  
  
"Have you heard anything?" Hermione asked, anxiously.  
  
"Not yet," Ron replied. "Madame Pomfrey is supposed to do some more tests to see if that screwy potion messed me up. But boy, I tell you what, I'm a bit more hungry than usual. My breakfast this morning wasn't exactly filling."  
  
"I can get you something," Harry assured, brushing a stray hair out of Ron's eyes.  
  
"Thanks, Harry, maybe later," Ron blinked at him, a little weirded out by his behavior.  
  
Madame Pomfrey chose that moment to walk in, eyeing Ron's guests with a slight smile.  
  
"All right, you two," she said. "Give us a moment so that I may check Mr. Weasley over."  
  
Harry and Hermione left to wait outside while she turned back to her patient.  
  
"Ok, dear, I just need to check your reproductive organs. Everything else is fine, but since that's what the potion was originally for it's likely that's what might be affected."  
  
Ron laid back and allowed the medi-witch to pass her wand over him. A glow from the wand and a mist rose up, telling Madame Pomfrey something that Ron wasn't privy to. She frowned and then passed the wand over him again. After a moment, she shook her head.  
  
"Ok, dear, I'll call Harry in here to sit with you. Hold tight."  
  
Ron didn't bother asking her what the problem was. He had a feeling he didn't want to know. After a moment, Harry was next to him, gripping his hand in an alarmingly tight manner.  
  
"Pomfrey has sent Hermione to get Dumbledore. She wouldn't say what for. Did she tell you?"  
  
"No," Ron admitted, prying his fingers from Harry's grasp. "I'm not sure I want to know."  
  
They sat in an uneasy silence until Hermione returned with Professor Dumbledore and Snape in tow.  
  
"It is a good thing Severus was in my office," the headmaster told Poppy as they gathered around Ron's bed. "Long as he was there, he might want to know what the trouble is."  
  
"He most certainly should know," Pomfrey replied, distress obvious in her voice. "Harry, Hermione, thank you for your help, but you should be off now. We have some things to discuss."  
  
"I'd rather they stay," Ron spoke up, suddenly more frightened than even before.  
  
"Go ahead, Poppy," Dumbledore smiled. "He'll tell them later, anyhow. How has the, ah, adjusted potion affected Mr. Weasley?"  
  
"Amazingly," she began, wringing her hands, "he's pregnant."  
  
Everyone turned to look at Snape.  
  
* * *  
  
Severus felt like a blood vessel was going to burst in his head.  
  
"Why are you all looking at me?" he asked in what he perceived was a calm voice.  
  
"Even with a magically induced pregnancy, it still takes two," Poppy replied. "And you did say that your blood was mixed with the potion. He had to have swallowed some of your blood with the potion."  
  
"But it was a contraceptive!" Ron exclaimed, finally finding his voice. This time when Harry grasped his hand, he didn't shake him off; he squeezed back just as hard. He was vaguely aware of Hermione climbing onto the bed on the other side of him and holding his shoulders.  
  
"Yes, well, I imagine that's where the messed up reversal spell comes in."  
  
"That still doesn't mean that I'm the. the. *father* of this child," the potions professor snarled. "He may not have gotten any of my blood in his mouth and if I recall correctly, he was carrying a broom with him at the time. He was probably off flying with Potter. He spends every waking moment with Potter and Granger. Either one of them could be the other the contributor."  
  
"He would have had to have gotten quiet a bit of their DNA in his system just before or after taking the potion for it to have affected him."  
  
"Well," Severus smiled evilly. "Perhaps he and Potter weren't flying just before he came back into the school."  
  
"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Ron said, his tone dangerous. Snape just gave him a snarky smile.  
  
"I can do a paternity test right now," Madame Pomfry broke in, hoping to avoid a confrontation. "I can have the results in just a few minutes."  
  
The next few minutes were very tense.  
  
* * *  
  
"He can not have this child!"  
  
"Now Severus," Albus tried to sooth the irate man. "It is not Ron's fault that he is carrying your child. It was an unfortunate accident. There is no need to yell at him."  
  
"Actually, I'm with Professor Snape on this one," Ron cried. "I want it out of me!"  
  
"Ron, think about this," Harry said hurriedly, placing a hand over Ron's still flat abdomen. "This is your child we're talking about."  
  
"I don't think I'm cut out to be a mother!"  
  
"But Ron, this is fantastic!" Hermione cut in. "There aren't many accounts of wizards getting pregnant."  
  
"Oh, Hermione, I'm really not interested in becoming part of the history of the wizarding world! I do not want to be a mother!"  
  
"Be that as it may," Dumbledore interrupted, "you are only seventeen. We're going to have to inform your parents and have their permission before you can have an abortion. I also feel that you need more time to think about this. You may find you want to go through with the pregnancy after all."  
  
"Excuse me," Snape said with false patience, raising his hand to get their attention. "Don't I have a say in this?"  
  
"Not really," Poppy answered. "You can't make him get rid of the fetus. However, if he does choose to abort and you don't want him to, you can take him to court to contest the action."  
  
"Contest the action?" Severus turned to Ron, an unfamiliar look on his face. Ron suddenly realized it was pleading. "I'll give you high marks on your potions N.E.W.T.S. if you just agree to end this pregnancy."  
  
"Severus!" Poppy exclaimed, horrified.  
  
"Agreed," Ron replied, a determined look on his face.  
  
"Ron!" Harry and Hermione blurted in unison, just as horrified as the medi- witch had been.  
  
"I do believe that emotions are running high," Dumbledore broke in. "I suggest we all sleep on this. Yes, you as well, Severus. Keep in mind that despite the circumstances, it's still your child."  
  
"Albus, please, I've knocked up a Weasley!"  
  
"So you have, so you have. No matter. We still have to contact his parents. I'll send an owl to them immediately. Poppy, is their any reason for Mr. Weasley to remain in the hospital wing?"  
  
"No, he can return to his dormitory."  
  
"Well then, I suggest we all get some fresh air and wait for Ron's parents to reply before making any decisions."  
  
* * *  
  
It was only two days before the headmaster was once again summoning Severus, this time to his office. When he arrived, he noticed that the Weasley brat was already present along with Potter, Granger and Professor McGonagall.  
  
"Ah, good, just in time," Professor Dumbledore smiled, eyes twinkling. "I was just about to give Mr. Weasley the letter from his mother. It came with the same owl as mine and I thought it best if we were all present."  
  
Ron took the letter from Dumbledore with shaking hands. Snape watched through narrowed eyes as the red head opened the envelope and began to read. The growing paleness of the boy and a spluttering fit were not helping Severus in the least.  
  
"Considering what was said in my own letter, I can well imagine that you'd be having this reaction," the headmaster said kindly, coming around his desk to stand beside Ron and lay a fatherly hand on his shoulder. "Your mother will be staying in Gryffindor tower for the time being. I'm sure we can find something for her to do to keep her occupied."  
  
"His mother is coming here?" Snape asked before silence could descend. "What, exactly, do these letters say?"  
  
Ron, still pale but eyes blazing furiously, glared at his least favorite professor.  
  
"She's thrilled!" he sputtered. "She's always wanted another child and couldn't wait to have grandchildren! I've been informed that if I'm not ready to raise a child, she will. Congratulations, you're going to be a father!"  
  
If it weren't for Albus standing there to catch him, Severus would have hit the floor as his world collapsed around him and he fainted dead away.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: I realize that no formal Christmas party is ever mentioned in the books (except for #4, but that was a special occasion). For the purpose of this story, we're going to pretend that Hogwarts has a formal to do just before the students leave for their winter holiday. 


	2. It's The End Of The World As We Know It

Chapter Two: It's The End Of The World, As We Know It  
  
"Severus? Are you alright now, dear boy?"  
  
Professor Snape opened his eyes and discovered, with a groan, that it hadn't been a nightmare. He was still in Dumbledore's office, though thankfully without an audience. The others must have left shortly after he had been hoisted into one of the plush chairs in front of the headmaster's desk.  
  
"Is it my imagination," he began, dragging a hand over his face, "or did I really hear what I thought I heard?"  
  
"Did you really think anything different would happen?" Albus asked as he perched on the edge of the desk. "You know as well as I do that Molly Weasley is the maternal type."  
  
Snape rolled his eyes at was obviously an understatement.  
  
"Here's the letter that she sent me. Perhaps it will help you to understand."  
  
Severus took the letter he was being offered as if it would bite.  
  
'Dear Professor Dumbledore,  
  
Despite the circumstances, Arthur and I couldn't be happier about the impending arrival of our first grandchild. I know this situation is hard on Ron; therefore I will be arriving as soon as possible to help him through this ordeal. At his young age, we do not expect him to raise the child (especially since it was hardly his fault, in the first place), so his father and I will take responsibility if Ron decides he is not ready to be a father. As for Professor Snape, I'm afraid I don't have enough information to make a decision on his level of participation. I'll speak to him when I arrive.  
  
Sincerely, Molly Weasley'  
  
Severus balled up the letter and threw it back onto Dumbledore's desk, practically shaking with rage.  
  
"My level of participation! What exactly does that mean? It wasn't my fault that that insipid little brat had managed to piss off enough people to cause two of them to hex him! I was an innocent bystander!"  
  
Dumbledore managed to refrain from laughing. He had heard Severus Snape called many things in his life, but 'innocent bystander' wasn't one of them.  
  
"I believe she was referring to your participation in the raising and support of the child, not your culpability in Ronald's pregnancy. That, we are in no doubt of. Perhaps, Severus, it would put the boy's parents' minds at ease if you were to take a more affirmative action in light of this situation."  
  
"And what, exactly, did you have in mind?"  
  
"You could do the honorable thing and make an honest man of him."  
  
Severus didn't even ask if the old man was joking. Had he bothered to stop and look into his twinkling eyes, he would have known he was. Instead, the incensed potions professor leapt out of his chair and began to make his objections known very loudly and quite foully.  
  
* * *  
  
Ron wasn't really having it much better, though he did think that he should try and enjoy the attention he was getting, if he could get over the way Harry was behaving. Gryffindor's seeker had just settled the recently impregnated boy on the couch in front of the fire and propped his feet up on an ottoman.  
  
"Do you need anything, Ron?" he asked, sitting close to his best friend, fluffing a pillow.  
  
"Yeah," Ron replied. "Budge up a little, you're suffocating me."  
  
Looking a bit bashful, Harry moved over, but not by much. Before Ron could ask him to scoot over just a little more, Hermione plopped herself down on the other side of Harry.  
  
"You know, Ron, now that you're going to have a baby, there are a lot of things we're going to have to consider," she said in a low voice, hoping no one would over hear.  
  
"Like what?" Ron asked.  
  
"Well, you're going to start expanding in the middle soon. You're going to need new, bigger robes as well as trousers and jumpers."  
  
They glanced over their shoulders as they heard footsteps on the stairs to boys' dormitory. Neville came dashing down the stairs, obviously having forgotten some portion of his homework again as he was clutching parchment and one of his books. He never stopped long enough to notice the other people in the room; he just ran out the portrait hole, supposedly on his way to the library.  
  
"Well, you could always find out if Neville has his old things," Harry laughed. The other boy had still been short and a little round the year before, but a growth spurt over the summer had been kind to him.  
  
"That will work for a little while," Hermione giggled, "but even Neville's old things won't be big enough once Ron gets to the last trimester. There's a good chance he's going to get huge."  
  
Ron groaned a slumped further into the cushions Harry had piled behind him.  
  
"Then there's also our classmates," Hermione continued. "When are you going to tell them?"  
  
"Do I have to?"  
  
"It is going to get obvious," Harry agreed. "We're going to have to tell them soon. I mean, we're going to have to explain why your mother's here."  
  
"Can't we come up with an excuse that doesn't have anything to do with me being pregnant?"  
  
Just then the flames in the fireplace flared green and with a small puff of soot, Mrs. Weasley burst out into the dormitory.  
  
"Ronnykins!" she exclaimed, dropping her bags and holding her arms out. "There's my baby boy and grandchild!"  
  
Several heads that had been bent over homework looked up in startled curiosity. Ron did his best to bury himself further into the cushions.  
  
* * *  
  
"Ron, come on, you're going to miss breakfast."  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
Harry sighed and sat beside Ron's huddled form. He pulled the blanket back and began to rub circles on his friend's back.  
  
"You have to eat. If not for yourself, think about the baby."  
  
Ron rolled over and glared at Harry.  
  
"You're getting stranger and stranger, you know that, mate?"  
  
Harry just grinned.  
  
"Come on, I'll go down with you."  
  
Harry escorted Ron to the Great Hall where he promptly settled him onto a bench and began filling his plate. Ron raised his eyebrow at the copious amounts of eggs, toast and potatoes that were being piled on. It was topped off with a bowl of porridge that Harry began stirring honey into.  
  
"Honestly, Harry, I don't need to put on *that* much weight."  
  
"I see you two have decided to come to breakfast," Hermione hissed, sitting next to Ron.  
  
"Ok, what's *your* problem?" Ron asked, beginning to get very annoyed with his friends.  
  
"Haven't you noticed anything odd?"  
  
"You mean besides Harry?"  
  
Hermione just motioned to the room with a nod of her head. Ron looked up and noticed that every eye in the hall was on him as students whispered to their neighbors. The fact that the Great Hall had been relatively quiet hadn't really registered with either boy when they first entered.  
  
"What's that all about?" Ron asked in a hushed voice.  
  
"This," Hermione said, plopping down a copy of the Daily Prophet.  
  
On the front was a picture of Ron that his mother had taken that summer. He was standing in front of the Burrow, hair mussed, holding his broom in one hand while waving with the other. The headline read 'Hogwarts Student Involved in Bizarre Accident.'  
  
'Ronald Weasley,' the article read, 'student at Hogwarts and second youngest of seven children of parents Arthur and Molly Weasley was involved in an accident at the school a few days ago. A hex gone wrong resulted in the boy ingesting a potion that has resulted in him becoming pregnant by the potion's instructor, Professor Severus Snape.  
  
"Molly's thrilled," a neighbor says. "She can't wait until her son has her grandchild, though she's not so sure about that potions professor being the father. Why on earth he was making a potion to make a man pregnant is beyond me, but I suppose it will be alright, so long as he does right by that boy."  
  
'No word has come from the school, yet, as to Mr. Weasley's condition or Professor's Snape's intentions. It is unknown at this time what actions headmaster Albus Dumbledore plans to take in regards to this unconventional relationship. This reporter will be keeping the readers up to date as the Miracle Boy progresses through his pregnancy.'  
  
The byline read Erma Boomstag.  
  
"This Erma woman makes it sound like he did it on purpose!" Ron shouted, causing the entire hall to go completely quiet. "Relationship!? There isn't one! Boy, Rita Skeeter musta' mentored that one."  
  
Ron tossed the paper in a huff, glancing up at the teacher's table. Being so late in the morning, no one was there.  
  
"Well, if you're done being so melodramatic, we need to get to class," Hermione said as she got up and gathered her bag.  
  
"Melodramatic," Ron groused. "I bet if she found herself pregnant, she wouldn't be so calm."  
  
"It wouldn't be so odd if *she* turned up pregnant," Harry laughed.  
  
"I resent that!" Hermione huffed, stalking away from them.  
  
"Oh, no, Hermione, I meant because you're a girl not that you're, ah."  
  
"Stuff it, Harry," Ron said, trying not to burst out laughing. "You've already put your foot in it far enough."  
  
* * *  
  
"Professor Snape!" Molly Weasley called as she spotted the edge of the man's cape swirl around the corner as he entered his classroom. "I've been looking for you."  
  
"I'm sure you have, Mrs. Weasley," he grated out as he slammed a stack of books and parchments onto his desk. "I've been waiting for you to corner me, especially after I read today's Daily Prophet. I assure you, madam, that there never has, nor will there ever be, a relationship between myself and that son of yours. I take great exception at it being implied that I would have improper relations with a student. It was an accident!"  
  
"I know," Molly assured him, having the grace to blush. "Professor Dumbledore explained the accident in detail in the letter he sent. I'm afraid that in my excitement about the baby and my hurry to leave, I must have left out some of the details when talking to my next door neighbor."  
  
"Some very *important* details, to be sure."  
  
"Yes, I am truly sorry. I didn't realize she would inform the Daily Prophet. I'm sure it can be straightened out, though. In the mean time, I need to talk to you about what you intend to do about the baby."  
  
"Intend? To Do?"  
  
"Yes. Are you going to want to have a hand in raising him or her? I realize with it being an accident, you might not want anything to do with the situation."  
  
"That is a very good assumption, Mrs. Weasley," Professor Snape sneered.  
  
Molly sighed and gave him a scowl much more intimidating than any one of his own.  
  
"That's not a decision you should make so lightly, or so soon. Give it time; Ron's going to be pregnant for a good nine months. I imagine that by the time you see your child, you'll feel different."  
  
Before Severus could reply, the first of his morning students began to trickle in.  
  
"We'll discuss this in more detail at a later date," he said in a more subdued voice, ushering her out of his classroom.  
  
"Of course," she agreed. "I'm staying in the Gryffindor Tower. Just let me know when you have a free moment."  
  
"Yes, yes, good day."  
  
Once he got her out of the room he turned back to his class, all of whom had arrived and taken their seats. They were openly staring at him, something he wasn't used to from fourth years. Today, he decided, was going to be a very long day, indeed.  
  
* * *  
  
Fielding questions, and comments, all day had not been a whole lot of fun for Ron, but his friends stayed close. The next day, however, became much more interesting. Ron made it to breakfast before the mail arrived and found himself on the receiving end of several letters and packages when it did.  
  
"Baby booties," Harry said, tearing one open for him. "That's nice. From some lady who read the article and refers to you as a poor dear."  
  
"Ooo, someone else has sent you a package of cotton carriage blankets," Hermione smiled, holding them up for Ron to see over Harry's head. "Oh my."  
  
"What?" Ron asked around a mouth full of eggs.  
  
"That's disgusting Ron, keep your mouth closed when you've got food in it. It's this letter. Some lady named Tiana Yolanders is asking for your hand in marriage."  
  
"Let me see that," Ron said, making sure he swallowed his bacon. "Not bad. Look Harry, she included a picture. Kinda pretty, really."  
  
"Hand it over," Harry scowled, looking over the picture and the letter carefully. "Ron, the date on this picture is almost thirty years old. This woman is probably older than your mum."  
  
"Ew."  
  
"Who would send you this?" Hermione asked, holding up a miniature rubber wand.  
  
"Hey, that's cute," Ron said, reaching out for it and the letter. "Only one way to find out who sent it, silly."  
  
"There's no name," Hermione replied indignantly. "It's just letters cut out from the Daily Prophet and pasted to spell out a message. Creepy, really."  
  
"It says, 'Heard you got a bun in the oven. Here's the kid's first toy.' And she's right, no name. Oh well, it doesn't do anything, so I guess it's safe."  
  
Suddenly, there was a loud snapping sound coming from the teacher's table and a startled cry. Harry, Hermione and Ron looked up to see Professor Snape fighting off an animated envelope with a butter knife that was doing its level best to bite him. With a short burst of laughter, Dumbledore touched it with his wand and turned it back to a harmless piece of paper. The other professors were going red in the face, trying to fight off their mirth. In a snit, Snape stalked out of the hall.  
  
"Guess he's not getting fan mail," Ron guffawed.  
  
* * *  
  
Over the next two weeks, there were more letters, presents and marriage proposals for Ron, and what were obviously nasty letters (and a howler or two) for Severus. The later had decided to start taking his meals in his rooms. Molly had been close at hand constantly, driving Ron, and everyone else, crazy.  
  
Snape wasn't getting what he considered was the proper respect from his students, but no amount of door slamming, robe swirling or scowling was helping. He finally gave up and was just concentrating on making his classes as miserable for the students as possible. He also made it his mission to avoid Molly Weasley; he really wasn't in the mood to have a conversation with her about the baby.  
  
"Shouldn't I be getting out of homework? You know? Due to my delicate condition and all?" Ron complained as the trio settled down one Friday evening to start their weekend homework.  
  
"You're only in your first month and being pregnant doesn't affect your ability to do homework," Hermione scolded him.  
  
"No, but it obviously affects my ability to ride a broom. Madame Pomfrey said I wasn't to go near one until six weeks after I've had the baby."  
  
"Well, it's dangerous," Harry said, placing his hand on Ron's arm. "You've got to take care of yourself."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I just don't see how all this potions homework isn't harmful to my health."  
  
Shortly after they had settled down to work, Professor McGonagall walked into the common room and over to Ron.  
  
"Mr. Weasley, you're wanted in the entrance hall. Your mother is waiting for you."  
  
"Wonderful," Ron sighed, rolling his eyes. "I was hoping to be saved from homework, but I guess I should have been more specific."  
  
He got to his feet and followed his head of house out the portrait hole and down the hall to the entrance of the school. Just before they arrived, Molly was there and taking Ron's arm, escorting him the rest of the way.  
  
"What's going on, mum?" he asked, just as they rounded the corner. A bright flash interrupted anything she was going to say and answered his question.  
  
"Ron Weasley! Lovely to meet you. I'm Erma Boomstag, reporter for the Daily Prophet and the author of the upcoming /The New Magical Maladies and Mishaps/. Would you mind a brief interview and some pictures? I'd love to chronicle your pregnancy and will need a new picture of you every month."  
  
"Um, sure, I suppose," he answered the over skinny, and over tall, witch with hair so red it had to come from a bottle.  
  
"Oh, good, Professor Snape! I was hoping I'd be able to talk to you," the reporter exclaimed as a reluctant Severus was led into the entrance hall by Dumbledore.  
  
"Oh great," Ron heard him mutter as he came to stand beside them. The cameraman took another picture.  
  
"Now, Ron, why don't you tell our readers how you feel about your professor getting you pregnant."  
  
"I wish you wouldn't put it that way," Ran sighed, aware of Snape glowering beside him. "It was an accident. Professor Snape is no more at fault here than I am."  
  
In the first cooperative effort between a Weasley and a Snape, Ron and Severus once again repeated the antics that lead to Ron's unfortunate condition.  
  
"So, Professor Snape," Ms. Boomstag turned her attention to the professor once they were done, "are you planning on standing by the mother of your child?"  
  
"I'm not sure I like being called a mother," Ron griped. "I am still a male."  
  
"I have no intention," Snape answered, completely ignoring his student, "of having any type of relationship what so ever with Mr. Weasley. His parents have agreed to take care of this child and I for one think that would be best for all concerned, including the child. Now, if this interview is over, I have papers to grade."  
  
With that, he swirled out of the room, Dumbledore on his heels.  
  
* * *  
  
"I'm not sure that was the best thing to say to a reporter, Severus," Albus said to the younger wizard as he followed him down to the dungeons. "There is no telling how they will villainize you in tomorrow's edition. It's an especially hasty comment, considering Mr. Weasley is just barely a month along. You may feel differently by the time the next eight months have gone by."  
  
"I assure you, Headmaster, I will not. I do not care what picture the Daily Prophet paints of me; I have never cared what anyone thinks of me. I just want this over and done with and that insane family to leave me alone."  
  
"I know you better than that. Being seen as someone who would shirk your responsibilities will not sit well with you."  
  
At this, Severus stopped his forward momentum and whirled around to face the headmaster.  
  
"How exactly is this my responsibility? My blood mixing with a potion that was reversed isn't my fault; it's an accident! Using that logic, Mr.'s Crabbe and Goyle should be the ones held responsible. Why should my life be turned upside down?"  
  
"I know this, and you know this," Albus replied, grasping him by his shoulders. "Even Ron and his family know this. The rest of the world, however, does not. Nor, I'm afraid, will that small life the boy is carrying."  
  
Severus' shoulders slumped and he put a hand up to his forehead.  
  
"I'm not saying that I won't help support the child, in the financial sense. I have more than I need and I'm aware that the Weasley's scrape by at best. But I can not, nor will I be a father."  
  
Albus patted him on the shoulder and then released him.  
  
"We shall see, my boy, we shall see."  
  
"Albus, you are a frustrating old man!"  
  
"Yes, I am, aren't I?" he shot over his shoulder as he departed.  
  
* * *  
  
"Are you sure it was an accident?" Seamus Finnegan asked Ron as they all settled into the common room.  
  
"Of course it was!" he replied, a look of horror crossing his face.  
  
"I don't know, Ron," he continued, looking a little too thoughtful. "You do tend to go on about how much you hate him a little too much, like you're trying too hard to convince everyone of it. And he does flounce."  
  
"Flounce?" Ron asked, his face turning bright red as anger quickly boiled to the surface.  
  
"Yeah, that thing he does with his robes when he leaves a room. That thing that used to scare the crap out of us when we were younger. Very dramatic and. flouncey."  
  
"I don't care if he walks around in a pink tutu!" Ron shouted, finally losing it. "That greasy git did not get me pregnant on purpose! Question his sexuality all you want, I like girls!"  
  
"Ron, calm down," Harry said in a panic, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him towards a chair while glaring at the other occupants in the room. "Getting him upset is bad for him and the baby. I know you're just teasing," the look on his face dared them to disagree with that assessment, "but you're not helping."  
  
"What on earth is going on?" Molly asked as she came in through the portrait hole followed by Professor McGonagall. "Ron, are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah, mum, Seamus is just being a jerk," he said, allowing Harry to stack pillows behind him and prop his feet up; it was easier than trying to fight him.  
  
"Well, you shouldn't be getting upset in your condition," she said to Ron, but glared at Seamus who sulked away. "At any rate, there's some good news. Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and I have been discussing how to keep me busy while I'm here."  
  
"So, tomorrow," McGonagall continued, looking rather pleased, "you'll all be starting a new class: Home Economics with Mrs. Weasley."  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: danna77 - Thanks for the review! And yep, you're the first! LOL Thought you might like to know that the story is plotted out and there are plans for a total of 10 chapters and an epilogue. You won't be left hanging :-). 


	3. Of Nappies, Nausea and Nuisances

Chapter Three: Of Nappies, Nausea and Nuisances  
  
'Miracle Boy Abandoned By Father Of Child  
  
by Erma Boomstag  
  
On the previous Friday, this reporter visited Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry to interview Miracle Boy Ronald Weasley and the father of his child, Potions Professor, Severus Snape. When asked about the role he would play during the pregnancy he replied:  
  
"I have no intention of having any type of relationship what so ever with Mr. Weasley."  
  
With an expression free of affection, he continued on to state that Mr. Weasley's parents would be taking responsibility for the child, instead of himself.  
  
"He's so cold and unapproachable," an undisclosed student said. "He doesn't like children. I can't imagine him being a father. He treats us bitterly in class, I don't know what I'd do if I had to *live* with him." This poor student nearly coming to tears at the thought of his mistreatment at the hands of his potions professor.  
  
Is Professor Snape dropping his responsibility for the child onto the grandparents because he realizes he's an unfit father? Or is the reason far less altruistic? Either way, brave Ronald is healthy and holding his head high during this trying ordeal.'  
  
Severus practically shreaded up his copy of the Daily Prophet and threw it into the fire, quickly followed by the uneaten half of his breakfast, plate and all. He groaned, realizing the headmaster had once again been frustratingly right.  
  
What a dreadful way to start the day.  
  
* * *  
  
"Oh my, Snape's going to be in exceptional form today," Hermione sighed as she folded her paper up and put it in her bag.  
  
"No kidding," Ron said, picking listlessly at his breakfast.  
  
"You know, that's not going to do you any good unless you eat it," Harry smiled, shuffling the other boy's plate a bit closer to him.  
  
"I'm not hungry," Ron countered, pushing the plate away. "I feel queasy."  
  
"Ron," Harry pushed the plate back, starting to sound stern. "You have to eat. Either you eat what's on your plate or I'm going to spoon feed you."  
  
Shooting him a dangerous look, Ron did his best to clear his plate. That is, until his stomach protested loudly, and with the color draining from his face, Ron launched from his bench and bolted from the Great Hall.  
  
"Oh my," Molly tsked as she came up to the Gryffindor table. "I see that the morning sickness has begun."  
  
"Huh? Oh no!" Harry moaned. "I forgot all about that. This is my fault; I insisted that he eat despite being queasy. I'm going to go check on him."  
  
"You do that, Harry," Molly smiled benignly, watching him run out after her son. Once he was out of sight, she sat down beside Hermione and leaned over to whisper conspiratorially. "Do you know why Harry is behaving so solicitous to Ron? I mean, I know they're friends.."  
  
"At least it's not just me," Hermione replied, putting her fork down. "You should see him in the common room. I swear, you'd think Ron was carrying *his* baby with the way he's acting. Ron almost talked Madam Pomfrey into sedating him last night."  
  
"Well, that's an interesting idea."  
  
"What? Sedating Harry?"  
  
"No, what you said before that. Professor Snape is so adamant about not being involved in the baby's life, and I was so hoping that even if he couldn't be in a relationship with the father that they could at least be parents together. I know Harry and Ron are best friends, but if Harry is that attached to the baby, well, I don't think it matters if he's the biological father or not. I think Harry and Ron would make great parents together."  
  
Hermione hoped like hell that her face wasn't betraying the hysteric laughter that was fighting to get out, stuffing a roll her her mouth to help contain it, much as Ron did when she spoke of S.P.E.W.  
  
* * *  
  
Ron retched until he emptied his stomach of all of its contents, kneeling beside the bowl in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.  
  
"Oh Boo-who! Everyone has such a wonderful life. Even boys are having kids before I got the chance." She floated about outside the stall, wailing and bemoaning her fate as usual. Ron, of course, at the moment was thinking he'd be more then willing to trade places if he could.  
  
"I don't remember eating that," he groaned as he reached out to flush.  
  
"Here," Harry said from behind him as he kneeled down and pulled Ron to lean back against him, pressing a cold cloth to his mouth. "You feeling any better?"  
  
"A bit. I'm still nauseous, but I don't think I'm going to throw up again."  
  
"I'm sorry I made you eat, I should have listened to you. Your mum said it was probably morning sickness."  
  
"Does that mean by this afternoon I'll be feeling better?" Ron asked finally perking up.  
  
"Well, that is what the name implies, so I guess, yeah."  
  
"Thank god. I'll forgive you if you help me up."  
  
"You got it."  
  
Harry pulled Ron up into a standing position, and right against his chest. Harry gave him a brief, affectionate hug before letting him go.  
  
"Don't worry, Ron. I'll be here for you."  
  
//Now that worries me, a little.// Ron thought miserably.  
  
Moaning Myrtle crossed her arms in a pout.  
  
"Even has a boyfriend to help when he's sick!" She threw a little fit and vanished down her toilet, Ron fighting the urge to yell 'Shut up!' at the top of his lungs.  
  
* * *  
  
"Welcome to Home Economics," Mrs. Weasley announced as the seventh year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws gathered in her new classroom. "We're going to learn the skills you'll need to manage your day to day lives once you leave Hogwarts. This includes basic household spells and potions, many of which you already know but we'll be learning how to apply them. You'll also learn how to do some things the muggle way. It's very important that you be able to perform certain tasks without your wands in case you ever find yourself somewhere like downtown muggle London.  
  
"Today, we'll be starting a week long project that will accompany our lessons on infant care. In this box I have some dolls that are enchanted to behave like babies; they will cry, they will need feeding, they will need changing and they will wake you up in the middle of the night so that you can fulfill these needs. I want everyone to pair up in parent partnerships, girl boy where possible, but we have more boys than girls, so two boys are going to be paired up together."  
  
"Quick, Harry, you grab Cho, I'll grab Hermione," Ron hissed as everyone scrambled to get the partner of their choice.  
  
"But, Ron."  
  
"Hurry!"  
  
Ron maneuvered through the desks over to his target and tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
"Hermione, be my partner?" he asked, smiling sweetly.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Ron, but I just agreed to be Neville's."  
  
"It's cause he's taller than me, it'n it?"  
  
"Don't be silly."  
  
"Just joking, Herm," Ron smiled, though it looked more like a grimace. "I'll grab someone else."  
  
"Has everyone got their partner?" Mrs. Weasley called out, looking pointedly at Ron.  
  
"Ummm."  
  
"Yes," Harry chimed with the rest of the class as he grabbed Ron's shoulder, causing Molly to smile brightly.  
  
"What are you doing?" Ron stage whispered. "I thought you were going to get Cho to be your partner?"  
  
"Um," Harry blushed, "she was already taken."  
  
Ron looked over at the pretty Ravenclaw girl who was looking at Harry rather sulkily. He didn't buy it for a minute.  
  
"Come on, no worries about it," Harry said, dragging Ron's attention back to him. "Let's get our baby!"  
  
* * *  
  
"Oh, Hermione, So glad you could stop in," Molly smiled as Hermione walked into her office, cradling the doll. "I see you're taking the first shift."  
  
"Yes, Neville has advanced herbology right now. We didn't think it would be a good idea if the baby started crying while he was trying to prune or repot something. So, what did you want to see me about, Mrs. Weasley?"  
  
"Do you think that maybe," Molly started, leaning over her desk, "Harry might be a little, I don't know, fond of Ron? More then usual that is?"  
  
"Well, Harry has been acting rather oddly. I'd like to say it started when we found out that Ron was pregnant and that Harry's just being over protective, but I don't know. He's been paying a little more attention than normal to Ron since the beginning of the school term, but I hadn't really thought about it. It's not like he's swooning over him, or anything."  
  
"Well, I imagine he'd be a little more discreet in attempting to woo another boy than he would a girl," Molly said, thoughtfully. "Arthur and I will happily take the baby and raise it, but we'd be much happier if Ron could find a loving partner to raise the child with. Any indication that Ron might return the feelings?"  
  
Hermione laughed and shook her head.  
  
"If anything, Ron's about to start running. I think Harry's freaking him out as of late. Now as much as I love Harry and want to see him happy, it won't be with Ron. But I tell you what; some of the girls in the school are starting to whisper about Ron. They find him really appealing now that he's expecting, they think it's sweet that he's going to be a mum. Plus, he gets about four marriage proposals a day in the mail. I'm working on my own match-making project, but I'm sure it shouldn't be much more work finding someone for Ron."  
  
"Oh? Who are you trying to fix up, dear?"  
  
"Professor Snape! I'm absolutely convinced he wouldn't be so surly if he had a wife or steady girl friend. I bet he's not so much angry as sad and lonely."  
  
"Aren't you sweet! You know, I bet if he had one, his significant other would insist on him being involved with the baby. I'll make a deal with you; you help me find someone for Ron, I'll help you find someone for Professor Snape."  
  
"Deal." Both shared a sharp handshake with broad smiles.  
  
* * *  
  
//I'm a grown man and I will not cry,// Severus thought, crying actually the furthest thing from his mind. //However, I just might break the Minister's neck!//  
  
Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic, and Snape were in the Headmaster's office, a place Severus was getting very tired of, sitting before Dumbledore's desk. He was beginning to feel like he was back in school getting punished right along with the Mauraders for something they tried to do to him. The Minister had arrived that afternoon, informing the other two wizards that because the accident involved a student and a professor, there would have to be a formal investigation.  
  
"I understand that nothing improper has happened, it's just a formality," Fudge assured them at the first sign of Snape's eye-roll. "However, there is something that is more of a problem."  
  
"I assume, that you mean the recent. publicity, Cornelious?" Dombledore asked, Fudge nodding and reaching into his vest and pulling out a copy of the Daily Prophet. The move was accompanied by a groan from the seat next to him.  
  
"Ah, Severus, I see you've read this edition," the Minister said in all seriousness. "In that case, I hope you understand that the public views your behavior in a very dim light."  
  
"So they keep telling me in their letters," Snape sneered, holding up his right hand, which was sporting a bandage.  
  
"Ah, I see."  
  
"I'm afraid that I don't," Dumbledore interrupted. "What does the Ministry have to do with Severus' decisions about the child?"  
  
"None, really," Fudge replied, replacing the paper in his vest. "However, the way he's behaving towards Mr. Weasley is starting to reflect negatively on the entire school. I've received several owls from concerned individuals who question the placement of such a cold hearted individual as a professor at Hogwarts, no offence Professor."  
  
"None taken," Severus grumbled, narrowing his eyes at the Minister. It was the most threatening look he felt he could get away with. "Exactly what is the Ministry suggesting that we do about this?"  
  
"Well, Mr. Weasley is in his second month, and the Ministry has decided it would be best if St. Mungo's kept an eye on the boy's development. He doesn't need to go for every checkup, but once every other month would be good. I wanted to let you know that he has an appointment for this upcoming Saturday. Severus, I want you to go with the boy and his mother. I want you to go in with him when he has his checkup and at least *seem* that you're interested. Then, you three can do some shopping, pick up a few things that baby will need. The Ministry is allotting money for this project that I'll give to you before you leave to make a few purchases and buy the boy lunch. We're going 'tip off' the Daily Prophet, so at all times you are to act like you want to be there; you're not going to know when pictures are going to be taken."  
  
"And if I refuse to go along with this charade?" Severus asked, outwardly calm but seething on the inside.  
  
"The Board of Governors may be forced to review your position as potions professor."  
  
At first, rage threatened to boil over. There were days when he considered packing his things, walking out of the gates of Hogwarts and never looking back; but then the class containing Neville Longbottom (or another student just as competent in potions) would leave and he'd remember that he actually loved his job. Well, maybe love was too strong of an expression, but it was all he had known for over twenty years and he found that if he ever left it, it would have to be on his terms, not because some pretentious twit in a pin striped robe decided he would have to be punished for not playing nice.  
  
After a moment, however, a surreal calm stole over him. This wouldn't be the first time that he had faced something that he Had To Do. There were many times before the defeat of Voldermort that he had faced things that he Had To Do; for his own safety, for the sake of the Order, to save the life of that little twerp, Potter. This was just something else he Had To Do, he decided. Didn't mean he had to like it.  
  
"Very well..."  
  
* * *  
  
Snape stalked down the hall, robes swirling behind him, as he sought out his prey.  
  
"Weasley!" he bellowed when he found the red head, hauling his bag towards his dorm. "Don't you have a class right now? I went looking for you in transfigurations."  
  
Ron stopped, dropped the bag that felt like it weighed a ton, and turned to face the man who had come level with him.  
  
"Yes," he sighed, "but I was feeling ill. I've felt ill all day. I swear, if they call it morning sickness, it should only last during the mornings."  
  
A slight smile tugged at the corner of Severus' mouth, but he fought it valiantly.  
  
"I'm afraid that that term is a bit of a misnomer. Have you seen Madame Pomfrey?"  
  
"Yeah, she gave me stuff to keep me from throwing up again, but anything stronger would be bad for the baby. I gotta live with the nausea. Is there a reason you're being nice to me?"  
  
"Certainly not!" Snape managed to catch himself before he did smile. He wasn't being nice to the boy; he was enjoying his predicament. Really. "I was looking for you to let you know that the Ministry has deemed it necessary that St. Mungo's monitor your progress. Your first appointment is Saturday."  
  
"Why'd they send you to tell me and not my mum?"  
  
Severus rolled his eyes and heaved an all mighty sigh.  
  
"They have also decided, in light of my recent performance for the Daily Prophet, that it would be prudent if I accompany you and your mother to your appointment."  
  
"Professor, er. can I miss potions today? I'm feeling rather ill."  
  
The potions master raised an eyebrow at the boy. He knew what was going through his head. When things went bad for him, Snape usually took it out on his class. He smirked. If it's not broke, don't fix it.  
  
"Ill, are you? Well, it gets better. We have to spend the day together. The Ministry is sponsoring an entire afternoon for us. I'm going to be taking you to lunch and buying nappies and things for the baby in a London shop while the Daily Prophet snaps picture."  
  
Ron looked positively green. Severus hoped that Poppy's remedy was still working, not in the mood to change his robes again.  
  
"Yes, perhaps you should miss potions," he sneered. "I don't relish the thought of the potion you've taken suddenly wearing off and you adding an accidental ingredient to your concoction."  
  
With that, Snape swept away, leaving Ron in shock. He wasn't being nice. He just wanted to see the boy as little as possible. Fine with him.  
  
* * *  
  
"Are you ready, dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked as Ron wandered into the common room, yawning widely. "We've got to get going if we're going to meet Professor Snape in the entrance hall on time. Are you bringing the baby doll?"  
  
"No," Ron replied, shifting it to his other arm. "Just waiting for Harry to get back from the showers."  
  
All of a sudden, the charmed doll came to life, wailing at the top of its lungs.  
  
"You better figure out what he needs, fast," Neville suggested as he came down from the dormitory with his own doll. "The longer it takes, the louder they get."  
  
"I've noticed." Ron began doing the 'cranky baby dance' in an effort to think.  
  
From seemingly nowhere, Harry ran in, hair still damp, and pulled the doll's bottle from out of his robes.  
  
"That's his hungry cry," he told Ron as he gently lifted the squalling doll into his own arms. "There you are, Simon. Are you sure you don't want me to come with? Draw some of Snape's looks away?"  
  
"Don't worry, Harry, my mother is more than a match for him."  
  
With a last goodbye to his friends, Ron stepped out of the portrait hole with his mother, feeling like he was on his way to face a tribunal or something.  
  
"Harry's very good with that baby," Molly observed, with a slight grin and reassuring pat to her son's back.  
  
"It's frightening," Ron shuddered. "He hasn't been himself for a while now and I don't get it. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he's really starting to drive me crackers."  
  
"Well, you hand the dolls in on Monday. It will be over soon."  
  
"I don't think that will help. He was going on like this even before your assignment."  
  
"It's about time," Snape growled as the Weasley's came to the entrance of the school. "We're going to be late, and I would rather this be over as soon as possible." Ron shot him a look, showing he heartily agreed with his professor for once.  
  
"Well, they can't start without us, now can they?" Molly snipped right back. "How are we going?"  
  
"Port key," Snape replied, pointing to a vase sitting on a table. "Let's get this over with."  
  
By the time the trip was over and they were standing in the lobby of St. Mungo's, Ron was wishing they had just walked. He didn't care how long it would have taken.  
  
"You're not going to be sick, are you?" Snape asked with a small amount of alarm. "If so, can you turn away? I neglected to bring a change of robes."  
  
"Honestly, Professor," Molly chided. "He's taking something for that. He's just feeling a little queasy. You should just be grateful it's him and not you who are going through this. At your age it would probably worse."  
  
Severus came very close to letting lose with a tirade, but Molly's glare quelled it.  
  
"We're going to sit down for a minute. Why don't you see the receptionist and let her know he's here."  
  
He walked up to the desk, remembering to paste a rather painful smile on his face. He was tempted to just announce 'The Miracle Boy has arrived,' but thought better of it.  
  
"Excuse me," he said to the woman behind the desk. "Mr. Ronald Weasley is here is for his appointment."  
  
"Oh my!" she exclaimed, causing Severus to take a step back in distress. "He's here! I'll call ahead and let them know. You can take him through those doors, to the right and up to the third floor."  
  
Snape nodded and returned to the two auburn heads that were bent close together, whispering.  
  
"It seems you won't be left waiting," he announced. "This way. feeling like a damn butler," he muttered the last, not intending for anyone else to hear him.  
  
"It's the overly starched, black robes," Mrs. Weasley said in sympathy. "They're bound to make anyone feel like a butler, and a little on the sour side. You look uncomfortable, dear."  
  
"Thank you so much for your unsolicited observations," Snape grumbled, pushing open swinging doors with great flourish, hoping the faster he moved the sooner this day would be over with.  
***  
  
"Can you believe the nerve of that nurse!" Snape came stamping out after about forty minutes, wiping franticly at the large wet spot on the edge of his robes. "Oh how stupid of me! I forgot to mention the diagnostic spells canceled out the sickness potion." He muttered bitterly, repeating the words of said nurse who had run the tests.  
  
"Well, how do you think I feel! I was the one it wore off on!" Ron came out clutching his stomach, his mother's arms around him. Snape grumbling as he brushed at the wet spot. Molly just shrugged with a repressed smile on her lips, casting a clean-up spell wiping the robes clean and dry.  
  
"Thanks. Couldn't have done that sooner?" Snape snarled under his breath. Molly just cast him a look and put her wand away.  
  
"Well you were very calm about it, Even as that photographer tried to take pictures."  
  
"Yah. he only threw one of those metal bowls at his head." Ron smiled slightly despite his nausea.  
  
Snape threw the edge of his robe down, and breathed deeply through gritted teeth to try and calm himself.  
  
"Alright. both children are fine. Let's get moving and, despite our better judgments, let's try to act like we can stand each other Mr. Weasly."  
  
"Oh, about that. maybe the rest of the day you should call him Ron. I mean, he's caring your child after all." Both Ron and Snape looked a bit nauseated, more so in Ron's case, at the thought of such familiar treatment.  
  
"Very well."  
  
"Alright. I guess."  
  
With a forced smile, on two out of the three faces, Molly's at least appearing genuine; they moved to step out the door. Molly nudged Snape, nodding to Ron. Snape bitterly raised a hand to grasp Ron's shoulder.  
  
"Care for something to eat yet, Ron?" Snape said through a half malicious smile.  
  
"Sure thing, why don't you pick. Daddy." Ron jabbed back knowing it would rip at Snape's stomach just as much as the mention of food had at his.  
  
***  
  
Fortunately, Molly had thought to bring more of the potion, so Ron was able to enjoy his lunch as much as was possible, considering he was being forced to eat with Snape. He realized quickly, though, that the professor was just as uncomfortable as he was.  
  
"Well, this is nice," Molly spoke up, trying to break the silence. "Severus, this little café was a lovely idea."  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow at her use of his first name, but didn't correct her.  
  
"It wasn't my idea. Molly. The Minister had the entire day planned." There was a flash from a corner and Severus suppressed a shudder.  
  
"Oh," Molly picked at her salad, feeling suddenly sympathetic towards the man. "Ron, have you thought of any names?"  
  
"For what? Hey, is a hot fudge sundae part of the Minister's plans for the day?"  
  
"I don't see why not, but go order it yourself," Snape replied, stabbing his roasted chicken breast somewhat violently.  
  
"For the baby, of course," Molly went on, ignoring the exchange.  
  
"Never mind, I've got it," Snape suddenly announced, leaping from the table and heading over to the separate ice cream counter.  
  
"I, I hadn't thought about it," Ron stuttered. "Do I have to pick so soon?"  
  
"Well, you don't have to pick right away, but you should be thinking about what you like. Maybe narrow it down to a few boy's names and a few girl's. And, since our next stop is to shop for baby things, you really ought to be thinking about how you want to decorate the nursery, as well."  
  
"I guess," Ron said, staring down at his empty plate and then at his still flat stomach. "Mum, shouldn't this be stuff that you and dad decide about? I mean, you said that you two would raise it if I didn't want to."  
  
"I had hoped to discuss that later," Molly nodded, smiling sadly. "I suppose I had also hoped that you would get further along and decide that you wanted some say in the matter of how your child was raised."  
  
"Actually, I would just as soon you and dad raise it as yours. Just another brother or sister that I happened to carry for nine months."  
  
Molly reached across the table and held her son's hand.  
  
"If that's what you want, that's what we'll do. I think, however, that you'll change your mind eventually."  
  
Ron shrugged and looked up with a watery smile.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
The tableau was broken by a hot fudge sundae being set down before him none too gently. A flash of the photographer's camera and a snarl accompanied the delivery from Snape.  
  
"There. Finished your discussion?" Ron looked up at him, eyes still bright. Severus sighed. "What have I done, now?"  
  
Ron turned back to his mother and pointed at his own stomach.  
  
"You're going to have your hands full with this one."  
  
"Like Fred and George were angels?"  
  
Severus snorted in amusement at that.  
  
TBC.  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long! Had a bit of a block and then realized that what we planned to happen in this chapter was way too much. So, next chapter (which may not be until after Christmas) there will be photos, a trip to Hogsmeade and Christmas at the castle!  
  
Thank you, all of our reviews and readers! Special notes to those who asked questions, or made comments we wanted to address: HealerAriel - yes, that's pretty much it (C-section), but we've decided he'll start asking about that later; he knows he's pregnant, but reality hasn't *really* set in yet. risi - got it on the nose about poor Harry! That will be resolved, of course. As for Snape, I also feel he'd make a great dad, but the poor man just doesn't feel the same way. I may have to change the story to a sub- category of angst, though, if he stays cranky much longer LOL. Icy Dragon Claws - yes, we had to agree about Ron's temper. He'll calm down. He's still going through shock LOL.  
  
And thank you all who wrote in to say you love the story and that it's original (I hope we keep it original all the way through LOL). And yes, Snape flounces, a lot ROTFL (Despite that opinion (or maybe because of it?), he's my favorite character!) - Runny Ink 


	4. One Million and One Mystical Baby Names

A/N: Please forgive any misspelling of names of canon characters. Looking up correct spelling would have put this update a day later. Sorry it took so long as it is!  
  
Chapter Four: One Million and One Magical Baby Names  
  
"I can't believe you'd say that shopping with Professor Snape was fun," Harry said the next day, shaking his head in disbelief.  
  
"But it was," Ron laughed. "The looks on his face! Mum was running around looking at the different baby patterns for a nursery and saying stuff like, 'Oh, Severus, the teddy bears are so sweet, don't you agree?' and 'What do you think, the baby unicorns or the dancing droxies?' And all he could do was smile in that pained way of his and grumble. It was hysterical!"  
  
"Well, I'm saving that issue of the Daily Prophet," Hermione practically swooned. "I know he's faking it, but the pictures of Professor Snape holding up baby clothes and inspecting carriages makes him seem a little more approachable, down to earth, human. Dare I say? Even a little on the handsome side."  
  
Harry and Ron crinkled their noses up in disgust.  
  
"Oh, stop," Hermione's eyes rolled. "You know I'm trying to find someone for him. These pictures will make it all a great deal easier."  
  
"Oh, I thought you were going to post them all over your dormitory."  
  
"Harry, I'm still a tad nauseated. Don't make it worse," Ron complained as Hermione glared, stuffing the Daily Prophet away.  
  
"Will you two stop. We still have to finish our menus for the 'Dinner With Your Muggle In-Laws' assignment in Home Economics. I need a good grade on this. I can't believe you two got a better grade on the Infant Care assignment than I did."  
  
"Well, with Harry being all. well, Mum-like, we were bound to get top marks," Ron laughed, ducking to avoid the playful cuff Harry aimed at his head.  
  
"Well, I guess it was time for Harry to be better at something than me," Hermione replied, a teasing glint in her eye.  
  
"Hang on, Hermione," Ron admonished. "Harry's always been better at Quidditch than you."  
  
"Oh," Hermione responded, affecting a look of innocence. "I meant better than me at something that matters."  
  
Both boys glared, looking at her as if two-headed fire crabs had started falling out her nose.  
  
* * *  
  
Hermione walked hurriedly to Mrs. Weasley's office, clutching her bag in front of her. The two were now having weekly meetings of OMM (Operation Match Maker). The young woman was looking forward to their regular updates.  
  
"I've collected the letters from this week," she announced when she walked in and dumped the contents of her bag on Molly's desk. "There's twenty three."  
  
"Wonderful!" Molly exclaimed, beginning to paw through the various letters her son had received over the week. "I've also received letters from women interested in marrying him. We'll cross-reference and see who sent letters to both. Those we'll put in a pile to consider first. The ones that wrote just to Ron, we'll consider second and the ones who just wrote to me, well, that's rather rude, so we won't consider them at all."  
  
"Good idea. And I've confirmed that the new Herbology TA is single. I've moved her to Professor Snape's right. She's closer to his age than Madame Pomfrey, so I moved her down one seat."  
  
"Good, good, and I got the owl back from Arthur's sister Agatha just yesterday. She can attend the Christmas feast with the rest of the family. She thinks it's just to see her youngest nephew. Personally, I'm hoping that's the one that works out. We've been trying to marry her off for ages and it would bring Severus into the family."  
  
"That would be lovely," Hermione agreed, somewhat starry eyed. "What do you think; sit her to his left or directly across from him?"  
  
"Who else have you got lined up?"  
  
"Professors Sinestra and Trewalney and Madame Hooch."  
  
"Put Sybil across from him and Agatha to his left. Maybe he'll turn to talk to her to avoid that nutter."  
  
The two conspirators laughed.  
  
"Ok, on to these letters." Mrs. Weasley waved her wand above them and sorted them out the way she wanted and picked one up from the first pile. "This one is from a Norma Wainswallow. She's thirty-two. My, but that's a bit old for him."  
  
"Oh, I don't know, sometimes older is better."  
  
"Well, we won't eliminate her on that alone," Molly said, smiling at Hermione's far away look. "'Dear Mrs. Weasley, I have been following the plight of that darling son of yours and, as a woman who is childless but financially stable, I'd like the chance to offer myself as a wife to him and a mother to his child.' Oh, I don't know, that seems a little odd."  
  
"Well, here's the letter she wrote to Ron. 'Dear Freckle Nose, Has anyone ever told you that redheads are sexy?'"  
  
Both women blanched then giggled.  
  
"Well, I suppose that's better, but I'm having a hard time dealing with the idea of anyone telling my son he's sexy, especially someone fifteen years older than him."  
  
"Maybe I should deal with those," Hermione laughed.  
  
"Yes, dear, I think you should."  
  
"It could be worse, I suppose."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Old Mad Eye could be looking for a traveling companion again." The mention of which was followed by a collective shudder.  
  
* * *  
  
Severus took the teacup Albus offered him and sat back in his seat, resisting the urge to collapse in an ungainly sprawl.  
  
"I must say, this outing turned out very well," Albus smiled at him over his half moon spectacles.  
  
Severus just grunted and took a sip, trying to relax. He really wasn't sure what was worse, being labeled an unfit father or having to deal with the photos that had shown up in the Daily Prophet.  
  
He knew they had put in the most flattering ones, something that took him a bit by surprise. He was certain the one with Weasley throwing up all over him would make the front page. Instead, the main picture had been of the three of them in the café; Molly's back to the camera as the picture looped the actions of Snape setting the sundae down in front of Ron, Ron turning to look at him then back at his mother, her body blocking his gesture, then Snape's mouth quirking in amusement.  
  
The headline read 'A Family in the Making.' He just thought it was good that the camera was too far back to see that the boy had nearly been in tears.  
  
"I take it the Ministry is pleased, then?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, they are," Dumbledore replied, bracing himself. Severus was much too calm for his liking.  
  
"And the parents are pleased?"  
  
"Yes. I'm beginning to get the impression, however, that you are about to, how should I put this, 'lose it all over the place.' What is it that you're trying to hide under your cool exterior?"  
  
"Those pictures," he grated out, the only sign he was losing it was the teacup in his hand that had started shaking, "are not exactly in keeping with my character. My students are gawking, and whispering and, not showing me the respect I deserve."  
  
"In other words, they no longer cower when you glare."  
  
"Honestly, Albus," he continued in an exasperated tone, finally letting his posture relax, "I've lost their respect."  
  
"Severus," Albus smiled, "you never really had their respect; just their fear."  
  
"Respect, fear, what ever works. Or worked, because it certainly isn't working now! My only amusement, anymore, is their misery."  
  
Dumbledore sighed and shook his head. He rose from his desk and began pacing around his office, offering Fawkes his arm on the way. The Phoenix stepped regally to him and then, much to the potion master's surprise, onto Snape's shoulder as Dumbledore stopped next to his seat.  
  
"Perhaps it is time to begin employing a new set of tactics for gaining the students' attention in class. A new outlook on your life and your person wouldn't go amiss, either. You're no longer a spy, Severus, and I don't think you've been yourself for a very long time."  
  
"I hate to disappoint you, Headmaster, but I'm very much myself," he replied haughtily. "If my personality does not meet with your approval, then it is something you're just going to have to adapt to."  
  
Much to Severus' consternation, Albus just smiled at him. Suddenly, Fawkes nipped his ear and began to nuzzle the side of his face. Snape turned and glared at the red plumed bird.  
  
"You're in on this, aren't you?"  
  
"Fawkes likes you," Albus laughed, clearly enjoying the other professor's discomfort. "A lot of people like you. And that's my point. Hard as you try to keep people at arm's length, you still win some of them over. Which is why I fully support the supposedly secret activities of one Miss Granger and one Mrs. Weasley."  
  
"Mrs. Weasley?" Severus asked weakly, absentmindedly stroking the bird's back. "She's in on Miss Granger's insane plot to find me a *wife*?"  
  
"Yes, well, Mrs. Weasley started out interested in finding someone for Ron and they decided to help each other out."  
  
"Dear lord, I'm a cursed man."  
  
* * *  
  
'Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the tower, Ron could find no privacy, not even in the shower.  
  
"No, Harry," Ron called over the sound of the running water as he lathered his hair. "I promise you, I'm in no danger of falling. If you must accompany me everywhere, even here, you stay *out there.* Understand?"  
  
"Yes," Harry groused, putting his trousers back on. "You're still letting me come to Hogsmead with you, right?"  
  
"Of course," Ron sighed. "Just because I won't let you shower with me doesn't mean I'm not going to Hogsmead with you. You're my best friend, and we always go together. That isn't going to change just because you've suddenly gone barmy, now. If it comes to it, I'll be sure to visit you at St. Mungo's every weekend."  
  
"Will you be sure to bring the baby with you?" Harry asked playfully, grinning at his own overreactions.  
  
"Sure thing, mate!" Ron laughed, turning off the taps and walking out to dry and dress. "Um, Harry, would you mind turning around?"  
  
"Huh?" Harry looked at Ron, rather distractedly, before realizing what he'd asked. "Why?"  
  
"Ah, you've just been acting oddly and it's making me uncomfortable," Ron admitted bashfully, blushing bright red.  
  
Harry gave a disappointed sigh, but turned his back to his friend without complaint.  
  
"Harry, what's going on with you?" Ron asked, finally broaching the subject he'd been dreading. "We've been changing in front of each other for years, no problem. Now, you *stare* every time I so much as take off my shirt. It's really weird."  
  
"Oh, um," Harry stammered, and then sighed, dropping his shoulders. "It's nothing to worry about, Ron. I guess I'm just getting a little over excited about the baby. I know you're not far enough along yet, but I keep looking, wondering when you're going to start showing."  
  
"Oh, is that all!" Ron laughed in relief. "That's alright, then."  
  
"Really?" Harry slowly turned around to see Ron shrugging into his shirt. He glanced down at the other boy's still flat stomach.  
  
"Really, Harry. Let's get out of here and get to town. I need to restock on candy!"  
  
"Too many sweets aren't good for the baby, Ron."  
  
"Harry, don't make me spend the day telling you to stuff it."  
  
* * *  
  
The trip to Hogsmead had been just what Ron needed to lighten his spirits, as well as his wallet. The three friends had had a ball, wandering the streets together and hiding purchases that were obviously presents.  
  
Ron decided that Harry seemed the most excited about Christmas. He had come out of a bookseller, eyes bright, face flushed and tight lipped. When the two of them had a moment away from Hermione, Ron tried to get him to tell what book he had bought the girl to get him so excited. Harry wouldn't tell.  
  
"That must be some book," Ron said as they got ready for the Christmas formal. "Are you going to give it to her tonight before she leaves for home and put us all out of our misery? Or are you planning on sending it to her by Hedgwig in a couple of days so she gets it Christmas Eve?"  
  
"Um, actually, Ron, that present wasn't for her. It's for you."  
  
"You got me a book? What about?"  
  
"I'm not telling!"  
  
Ron laughed, figuring it had to have something to do with Quidditch. He shot Harry an apprehensive look, though; considering the way the other boy had been acting since November, it could very well be a book on infant and childcare, he decided. He also decided that either way, Harry looked thrilled to be giving it to him, so he'd look thrilled when he opened it, what ever it was.  
  
"Too bad Hermione couldn't stay, too," Harry commented as the two headed out of the tower and towards the Great Hall. "It would have been really great to have her here as well with your mum and dad and the twins being here for Christmas. Did you ever ask your mum why the three of us didn't just go to the Burrow?"  
  
"Yeah," Ron nodded, looking a little put upon. "Seems she asked Snape what he was doing for the holidays. When he said relaxing by his fire and enjoying the quiet of the castle, she invited him home with us. When he refused, she owled the family and said we were spending the holidays here, with him. For once, I actually feel sorry for the sod."  
  
"Well, I think he should be happy to spend Christmas with his child."  
  
"Spend Christmas with his. what's he going to do? Put his ear to my tummy and sing carols to the little bugger?"  
  
Harry looked vaguely disturbed by that image, which just served him right, in Ron's opinion.  
  
* * *  
  
Severus was uncomfortable. He suddenly felt as if he had been strapped into his dress robes in a similar manner as if he had been put in a straight jacket. That being the case, the women around him were his padded cell. It seemed they had all be apprised of Miss Granger's intentions from the start and he was just grateful that his fellow professors and the Quidditch coach were not taking it seriously.  
  
The Herbology TA and Arthur Weasley's younger sister were another thing.  
  
The entire Weasley clan had arrived that morning and was staying through New Year. After a brief conference with Ron, he had been under the impression that that would consist of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, the little girl, who was still a student there at any rate, and the twins. It seemed that Ron had been as surprised as he had that his three older brothers and his aunt were able to get away from work and be there as well.  
  
Speaking of the Weasley aunt..  
  
"Madam, would you kindly keep your appendages to yourself," he muttered to her as he grabbed Agatha Weasley's hand, yet again, before it could crawl further up his thigh than it had.  
  
She giggled at him and he rolled his eyes, shooting a grimace across the table and three seats down from him at Molly. She smiled back. He would have matched her smile with a glare and raised her a snarl if he hadn't had to stop the hand that had attached itself to his other knee from making any progress up his leg.  
  
"Madame Waverly, I beg you," he hissed at the Herbology assistant, "mind your manners or I will be forced to report you to Professor Sprout."  
  
The mousy brown haired woman gave him a slight pout.  
  
"She told me to go for it."  
  
With that, Severus squashed down the horrified look that was threatening to burst onto his face and abruptly stood.  
  
"Dinner was lovely," he said hurriedly at Professor Dumbledore's look of dismay at his leaving. "However, I just remembered that I left a cauldron on a fire that should have only been boiling a few hours. Oh dear, yes, it should be done by now, don't want it ruined. Good day."  
  
Albus chuckled at the other man's hurried exit, but one young lady at the Gryffindor table was not amused. Hermione excused herself from her tablemates and headed out into the entrance hall, determined to head her professor off.  
  
* * *  
  
"Professor? Professor, please wait."  
  
Severus groaned to himself at the sound of Hermione Granger clattering down the hall after him. He twirled around and waited until she was even with him.  
  
"Miss Granger, haven't you humiliated me enough for one night?" he asked coldly. "Or do you intend to finish the job yourself?"  
  
"Humiliate?" she asked, somehow looking both angry and hurt. "That was not my intention at all, as you well know. Actually, you weren't supposed to know at all."  
  
"It certainly wouldn't have been difficult to deduce just who had put me between two simpering, *grabby* females and for what reason. You were, after all, in charge of the seating at the head table."  
  
"So two of them were interested?" she smiled, pleased with herself and not paying attention to the fury that was falling over the potions master's face. "But that's good! Oh, you can't honestly say you wouldn't be happier if you had someone to share your life with. I mean, was the dinner really so bad?"  
  
"Bad?" he repeated, a note of incredulity creeping into his voice.  
  
With a flash of inspiration, Snape decided she needed a dose of her own medicine. At least, as much as he could give in that moment. He advanced on her, raising himself to his full height even as he leaned slightly towards her, and making certain his robes billowed to their maximum width. A look of terror crossed her face as she backed away until she hit a wall. Pinning her in place by slamming his forearms on either side of her head, he leaned in until they were nose to nose, their bodies a hair's breadth apart and her frightened breath puffing against his mouth.  
  
"How do you like having your personal space invaded by someone you revile?" he asked in an almost whisper.  
  
She whimpered and he quickly fell away from her, smiling to himself as she fled, shaking, back to Gryffindor Tower.  
  
"Little girls shouldn't play with fire," he called after her, in a practically sing song voice. "They might get burned," he added in a more menacing tone.  
  
It had been a truly awful dinner, but the dessert really made up for it.  
  
* * *  
  
A few days later, the Great Hall was host to the Weasley breakfast Christmas party. A long table sat in the middle of the decorated room, ten red heads lining the sides, only broken by the two black heads that belonged to Harry and Professor Snape.  
  
"I'm so glad you children liked your sweaters," Mrs. Weasley smiled, helping herself to eggs. Her brood of seven and Harry were all wearing the sweaters she knitted them every year, all of them blue with their initial in white. "Severus, where's yours?"  
  
All heads, including Dumbledore's, who was sitting at the head of the table, turned to look at Snape. He was sitting on one of the sides in the middle, between Charlie and Percy, and looked amazingly disinterested in the proceedings as he solemnly ate his breakfast. He looked down at his usual wrap and then cast a look across him where Molly was seated.  
  
"I'm saving it for a special occasion."  
  
Everyone smiled and returned to their meals.  
  
"Well, I suppose I didn't really expect to see you in it," Mrs. Weasley admitted, though it was obvious she was disappointed. "Maybe blue was a little too much to start out with. I suppose I should have made yours gray, or brown."  
  
"Severus, you could change into it before the gift exchange," Albus suggested, earning a glare from the professor. The headmaster felt a spike of pride for having caused the dour man to look something other than bland.  
  
"I don't see where that would be prudent; we're opening gifts right after we eat. I see no need in making everyone wait for me just to change my shirt."  
  
"Oh. well, I suppose you're right, Severus," Albus smiled, noticing the younger wizard had slowed down his eating, glancing around to make sure he didn't finish before anyone else.  
  
After awhile, everyone finished eating and gathered around the large tree that had moved to the center of the room after the feast a few nights before. Dumbledore set himself up as the gift wrangler and began passing out packages to everyone. He noted, with an amused smirk, that Severus had bought a present for everyone; gift certificates to different shops in Hogsmead.  
  
"Last minute gifts, Severus?" he asked good-naturedly.  
  
"Actually, I finished my shopping at the beginning of December," he replied. "I've just always felt it's best if everyone get exactly what they want."  
  
"Well, I think it's very thoughtful," Molly giving a sharp nod and bright smile. "Thank you, Severus."  
  
Everyone gave Ron something for himself and then something for the baby, including a pacifier from Fred and George.  
  
"It turns the baby's mouth different colors," Fred explained.  
  
"That's horrible!" their mother exclaimed.  
  
"Aw, it's harmless," George reassured her. "Just like everything else we've sent."  
  
"You're the ones who've been sending the notes with the pasted letters!" Ron laughed. "The little rubber wand?"  
  
"That's a teether," Fred nodded.  
  
"And the little glasses with the big nose and mustache? "  
  
The twins just grinned.  
  
"Well, this is a very heavy present, Harry," Dumbledore interrupted as he levitated the last package.  
  
"That's my gift to Ron," the boy smiled. "Don't try to pick it up, Ron, you're going to have to carry it like that."  
  
"It wasn't that big when you came out with it!"  
  
"Well, I shrunk it down to carry it home. But you can't read it shrunk down. The words are too small."  
  
Ron walked over to where the headmaster had floated the book and tore the paper off. Staring up at him, in large gold letters, was the title /1,000,001 Mystical Baby Names/.  
  
"Wow, thanks Harry," he smiled, doing his best to look as happy as his friend did. "A million and one? Do you think I need that many?"  
  
"Well, naming a baby is important. He or she will be stuck with it for the rest of their life. We need to pick the very best one, and you're already two months along; we don't have much time!"  
  
Ron glanced over at Snape who was doing his best to look interested in his own gifts, afraid to open the one from the twins, which seemed to vibrate each time it was picked up. He noticed, though, that the older man was just as bewildered as he was. He seriously doubted it was for the same reason, however. Ron was going to have to talk to Harry about his use of the word 'we'. Well. yell, berate, talk. It was going to be something along those lines.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: As was stated earlier, this whole thing is plotted out, so decisions about what happens to the characters has already been made. From looking at the reviews (thank you!) some of you are going to be saying 'I knew it!' and some are going to be sorely disappointed. We don't want to give anything away (after all, this really isn't going to have much in the way of a plot twist, it's a simple tale) nor do we want to disappoint anyone, but as a small hint, we meant what we said in the summary. Good news though, the next update should be much quicker! Love you all!  
  
Thank you very much for the reviews: Rory-Dasiny (We're considering a slash sequel, but not sure, more on that when it's done. Thanks!) Icy Dragon Claws (If Harry's scaring you now, you're going to be truly terrified as we go along ) Fairy of the Black Oleander (Probably would have been nice if we had actually mentioned something of that, but during the parts that weren't in the story, she and Arthur had a nice freak out, accepted it, and decided that it would be best for Ron to be totally supportive) Lillinfields (Well, that's a thought! Glad you like it and thanks for the review!) Barbara Kennedy (Thanks for reading and reviewing and for pointing me to your story!) HPROXMYSOX (And here it is! Hope you like it, thanks for reading!) 


	5. Show, Tell and Hide!

I'm such a liar. Got it done way ahead of schedule. Wish the rest of life was like that! Well, other stuff that should have been done was put off and here is the complete chapter five! Hope it's up to snuff!  
  
Chapter Five: Show, Tell and Hide!  
  
Ron had become quite adept at hiding from Harry. Ever since The Boy Who Lived had gifted him with the over sized book of baby names two months before, he had been following his pregnant friend around, reading out the names, making comments on the suitability of each one.  
  
It was worse than the slightly cock-eyed clothes that were Harry's first attempts at knitting.  
  
What was even worse was that Ron had begun to show. This lead to several things; his mum cooing and fawning over him more than usual, Harry following him around and being over protective more than usual, various students asking if they could feel his lump, and, weirdest of all, he kept catching Snape shooting him odd looks he couldn't decipher.  
  
It was during an exam in the hospital wing with Madame Pomphrey that the man in question actually approached him, looking uneasy at being there.  
  
"How are you feeling, Weasley?"  
  
"Um, alright," the redhead replied, finding the less than biting tone odd. Last time Snape had been this pleasant with him, he'd just failed an exam and the teacher had trouble containing his laughter.  
  
"I see you're finally showing. That must be awkward," Snape continued, looking as if every word was painful.  
  
"Yeah, a little," Ron shrugged, thinking that it wasn't nearly as awkward as their conversation; a little less painful... maybe.  
  
"So, can you feel it moving yet?"  
  
Suddenly, Ron felt like he had a better lock on the conversation. Several girls had already approached him, asking if the baby had started kicking, wanting to feel it move. He supposed Snape, as the other father and despite his insistence on not having anything to do with the baby, wanted to feel it kick, too.  
  
"Not yet. Madame Pomfrey said I probably wouldn't feel it until sometime next month."  
  
"Ah, well, good day then."  
  
And the man left in a swirl of robes, as quickly as was dignified.  
  
Have you lost your ever loving mind?Severus thought to himself furiously as he hightailed it back towards the dungeons. "Can you feel it moving yet?" Why don't you just bloody ask him if you can put your hand over his stomach! Then maybe dinner and dancing!  
  
Continuing his sarcastic commentary in his head, Severus nearly ran into Hermione.  
  
Blast! Haven't I learned to watch where I'm going?  
  
"Five points from Gryffindor for not paying attention to where you are going, Miss Granger!" he grated out without so much as braking his stride.  
  
The young woman, who had been avoiding him since their encounter before Christmas, looked back with slightly frightened eyes. As she watched him disappear around a corner, however, her disquiet faded and something warm settled in the pit of her stomach.  
  
"Get a hold of yourself, girl," she chastised herself quietly. "You start this and you'll be having to ask Harry and Ron to take you to St. Mungo's after all."  
  
"Take you where?" Harry asked, giving her another fright. "Didn't catch all that."  
  
"Oh, never mind, just talking to myself again," she replied brightly, trying not to turn red. "I'm glad you're here, Harry. I need your help."  
  
"What with?"  
  
"Molly and I have some dates set up for Ron. We need help getting him there."  
  
Harry's face fell. He tried to tug on a smile, but he wasn't quick enough to fool his bushy haired friend. She placed a comforting hand on his arm.  
  
"Harry, I know you fancy Ron," she said as gently as she could. This was a delicate subject that no one had brought up yet, and it was obvious that Harry didn't really want it to be discussed as he shook his head in fervent denial. "Yes, you do. And it's ok, but you have to face the fact that as much as Ron loves you, it will never be what you're wanting. He can't help liking women, any more than you can help liking men."  
  
Harry nodded and roughly wiped at his eyes, refusing to let them tear up.  
  
"I know," he said in a sad but strong voice. "I know. I've always known, but I guess with him being pregnant, I've let myself get carried away. I just... I wish...."  
  
"I know, Harry," Hermione interjected when it looked like Harry wasn't going to be able to finish his thought. "It's ok to get a little carried away, though. He's your best friend and he's all right with you going on about the baby, even if all the attention is a little weird for him. Honestly, he's so dense. He doesn't realize how you feel, and I certainly won't tell. There's no point in making this even more difficult for you."  
  
"Thanks, Hermione. I'm really glad you're on my side. So. What do you need me to do to make sure Ron has a nice, romantic evening with his potential girl of his dreams?"  
  
"Ah, I was just on my way to see Molly. Come along and join in our dastardly plans."  
  
Arm in arm, they walked off laughing, not noticing a certain blond Slytherin hiding in the shadows, thinking of dastardly deeds of his own.  
  
Severus had made it back to his rooms, arguing with himself internally all the way.  
  
"I know how to shut that voice up," he sneered as he lit his fire and walked over to his liquor cabinet. "Let's see, not something to get me drunk, that won't do anything but make me maudlin. A buzz would be nice. Something to warm –"  
  
"Severus! So glad you're in your rooms."  
  
Snape squeezed his eyes shut at the sound of the headmaster speaking to him from his fireplace. He gripped the shelf in front of him until his knuckles turned white, ducked his head and began to count to backwards from ten, slowly. Once he was certain he wouldn't yell, he turned around.  
  
"Albus, what brings you to my fireplace this evening?"  
  
"I need you to come to my office. I have your latest supply requisition and I think there's been a mistake in the number of dung beetle wings."  
  
"Can't we discuss that now? There is no need for me to leave my rooms, especially since I have just arrived here and was hoping to relax," Snape was striving for calm, and even though he knew his voice was clipped, he thought he was doing a rather superb job.  
  
"Actually, yes we could. Or I could have brought it up over breakfast, but there is a former student of yours here. I was hoping it to be a surprise, but I should have known better with you."  
  
And the bastard's eyes were twinkling as he said this. Severus glared daggers and wished he had yelled after all or at least pretended he hadn't seen him and dropped something explosive into the fire.  
  
Severus was certain he was in hell. Yes, it was one of his former students that had come to visit the school. Adrian Blott, a member of his house and Hogwarts graduate six years prior was visiting in order to put in his resume for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position that would once again be vacant the coming year. The boy had been a favorite of his and he would be sure to let Albus know he supported him having the position. If only the man hadn't brought his guest.  
  
Severus currently had his arms full of a cooing, arm waving, toothless grinning, three-month-old baby. He hated children. She was adorable. She was drooling. She smiled and made cute noises while looking up at him. He was certain it was gas, not him, that was having that affect. She was so soft. He scowled. She gave a short laugh.  
  
"Professor, I think that was her first real laugh!" Adrian exclaimed. "Samantha really likes you."  
  
"Yes, Professor Snape seems to be very good with babies," Albus smiled from behind his desk.  
  
Meddling fool...Snape thought with pure venom, not realizing he had let the child start gnawing on a finger. I bet he asked Mr. Blott to bring the brat with him. Trying to prove a point to me, I'd wager. Well, he's got another think coming. Holding one sweet baby is not going to make me want one of my own. Sweet? Not anymore!  
  
"Mr. Blott. Your daughter is lovely. She has also filled her pants." Snape held the baby out to her father like he were handling some painfully corrosive substance, the look of disdain on his face making his feelings on the subject very clear.  
  
"Speaking of which," he continued, whirling to Dumbledore, "you wanted to see me about dung beetle wings?"  
  
"I can't believe you, of all people, are insisting I do an interview," Ron whined as Harry adjusted the boy's dress robes.  
  
"It'll be good for you," Harry replied. "Get your story and how you're feeling out there for the world to see. Not just what that crazy Boomslang woman wants the world to see."  
  
"I guess you're right."  
  
Harry felt a mild twinge of guilt. He was lying through his teeth. The woman Ron was about to meet in Hogsmeade wasn't a reporter, but one of the many women who had been sending him marriage proposals since the first article the Daily Prophet had put out. The guilt of lying was only mild in comparison to other hurt Harry was experiencing. The hurt of handing over his Ron to someone else to dote over.  
  
But that's just it...he thought as the two headed out of the castle and towards Ron's meeting. He's not my anything. Never has been, never will be. The sooner I get over this, the better off I'll be. I'll take care of him in my own way, just not in the way I had always hoped I'd be able to.  
  
That's what he thought, despite the fact that he was contemplating a twisted ankle so they could go back to the castle.  
  
Harry was deep in thought on their way to Hogsmeade so Ron kept silent as well. He was nervous about the interview and wondered what kind of questions would be asked. The reporter from the Daily Prophet didn't so much as ask questions as ask for confirmation of her own statements. This was supposed to be different.  
  
They stopped in front of the restaurant, a nicer one than the pub they usually frequented on Hogsmeade weekends, and they walked in. Ron could just see, over in a corner, a dark haired woman sitting alone that fit the reporter's description.  
  
"I think I see the reporter from... hey, Harry, where's the reporter from? Mum never told me."  
  
"She's not a reporter," Harry bit out as he led Ron to the table. "She's your date. Maggie Frost, Ron Weasley. Enjoy!"  
  
With that, Harry pushed a startled Ron into his seat and all disappeared faster then a Demiguise.  
  
"Hello, Ron," breathed the slightly older and very beautiful woman in front of him.  
  
"Harry, prepare to have a scar on your arse that matches the one on your other arse!"  
  
Wide eyed, Harry backed away from a very angry Ron.  
  
"Um, Ron, you're back already? Didn't go well?"  
  
"Didn't go well? he asks. Bloody hell, it was a disaster! First of all, you lied to me! Second of all, that woman was looking at me as if I was a cross between a fine wine and a lab experiment! Did you know she's a potions mistress from Switzerland? Been working on a male pregnancy potion. Not only does she want to marry me and keep me tied to her bed for god knows what, but she wants samples of my blood! She's worse than Snape!"  
  
"I didn't know she was a potions mistress," Hermione mused from her place on the couch in front of the fire in the common room. "Since you're not interested in her, I wonder if Professor Snape would be."  
  
"She's got a thing for young studs!" Ron nearly shrieked, horror written plainly over his face as he recalled being pawed by the woman. "And anyway... hey! You were in on this! And mum was too, I bet! Oh, you're all going to pay if you ever! Ever! Try this again!"  
  
Ron turned to storm off to the boy's dormitory. Half way up the stairs he doubled back and pointed a finger at Hermione.  
  
"You! Tell my mum I'm not speaking to her!"  
  
"Ron."  
  
"Go away, Harry. I'm not speaking to you either."  
  
"You just did."  
  
"Well, I'm not going to anymore, starting right now."  
  
Harry rolled his eyes and sat on the edge of Ron's bed. He had rolled to his side and thrown the blanket over his head, but that wasn't about to stop Harry from trying to get through to him.  
  
"I am so sorry, Ron," he started, a pleading note in his voice. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I had no idea that woman was a psycho and I didn't realize you'd feel so betrayed by that little lie. I should have, though. I should have thought how I would feel if you had done that to me. I can't apologize enough but I can promise that I will never, ever do that to you again. I swear on the head of your unborn child, I will not set you up on a blind date again unless you're aware of it and approve."  
  
Ron threw the blanket off his head and looked back up at Harry with narrowed eyes.  
  
"Melodramatic, aren't we? Is it your time of the month? Want some chocolates?"  
  
"Hey! I'm trying to apologize here!"  
  
"Fine, apology accepted, just stop being a weird prat while you're at it. 'I swear on the head of your unborn child.' Been listening to my Mums stories on the Wizard Wireless have you?"  
  
Harry pulled the pillow out from under his friend's head and whacked him over the head with it.  
  
"Oi, get your own pillow!" Ron laughed.  
  
"Friends again?" Harry asked, clutching the pillow in his arms.  
  
"Alright, if you promise no more pouting."  
  
They smiled at each other for a moment and then Ron got an odd look on his face.  
  
"Ron? You alright?"  
  
"Yeah, I think I just felt the baby kick! Yeah, there it goes again!"  
  
He grabbed Harry's hand and placed it on the bulge of his stomach. The baby kicked again, and Harry gasped.  
  
"I felt it!" he said excitedly, his eyes becoming suspiciously bright. "Are you supposed to be feeling it already?"  
  
"Well, Madame Pomfrey said it would happen either in the fifth or sixth month, and this being my first, and the gods help me, only, baby, probably not until the sixth."  
  
"Well, you're almost into the sixth month, now. I can't believe it. We've been so wrapped up in you having a baby; I hadn't realized that it's almost the end of the year. We're going to be graduating Hogwarts soon, and you're going to the Burrow to have your baby. You know what this means, don't you?"  
  
"That our lives are going to be totally and completely turned on their heads from here on out?"  
  
"No, silly, that we have got to find the perfect name for that baby!" Ron looked briefly bewildered. The names again. Oh well, it's not like he hadn't gotten used to this. "Have you decided if you're going to find out what gender it's going to be?"  
  
"No, mum wants to be surprised and I'm going with what she wants since I'm planning on just handing the kid over once it's born."  
  
"So, you're still planning on that?"  
  
"Yeah. What else would I do?"  
  
"Oh, well, he or she will still need a name. We have to get a move on! We're only to the L's."  
  
They had finally made it to graduation day. Ron was at the end of his second trimester and he had suddenly gone from having a lump in front of him to being down right huge. It had seemed to happen over night, much to his annoyance. Everyone kept assuring him it was normal to suddenly 'pop.' He just wished his knees would stop popping every time he sat up.  
  
Harry had made it down to the W's of 1,000,001 Mystical Baby Names and seemed bound and determined to get the rest of the way through it, leaving Ron with a list of nearly a thousand suitable names to choose from, Harry's favorites marked in red. If he was satisfied in doing it on his own, it wouldn't be so bad, but he felt that Ron needed to be in on the naming of his child, so he wanted the other's input.  
  
Which is why Ron was at that moment, heading down a hallway as fast as he could. He had spotted Harry, book floating in front of him, pages turning. He knew the dark haired boy was looking for him. He had to find a hiding place. He had turned down the only available hallway he could find just before that hallway branched off to the library and he knew that Harry would have to turn that way, too.  
  
He was so intent on finding a hiding place and keeping track of how close his friend was by the sound of his mutterings that he had almost run into Snape. The older man grabbed him by the shoulders, keeping him upright and from actually making contact. Ron looked up at the man's stern face and raised eyebrow.  
  
"Mr. Weasley, considering that this is exactly how we got into this predicament," he said, motioning to the other man's stomach, "I'd think that you would have learned to watch where you are going."  
  
The footsteps behind him were getting louder. Harry was about to turn the corner. In mild panic, Ron grabbed the front of Snape's robes in his fist. The potions master looked like he was about to rip him limb from limb for such a violation.  
  
"Harry is on his way and he has The Book!"  
  
Comprehension dawned. Snape's scowl changed to look of panic that rivaled Ron's and he grabbed the redhead by the wrist and began dragging him down the hall. Ron wasn't the only one Harry thought should have a say in the baby's name. Harry had faced down and defeated Voldermort. Ever since that, he'd thought Snape's scowls and death glares were funny, in an adorable way.  
  
"I know the perfect spot."  
  
They had only gone a few more feet before Snape was pulling him behind a suit of armor and into what looked like a solid wall. It was, instead, a small alcove that was only disguised to look like a solid wall. There really wasn't enough space for the three of them. Snape found himself with Ron's stomach pressed against his back.  
  
He could see Harry, but Harry couldn't see him. Severus held his breath as the boy slowly walked past their hiding place, looked around and moved forward.  
  
"Is he gone?" Ron whispered from behind him.  
  
"He's headed away, but that way leads to the dungeons. If he is looking for you, he won't go far. He'll head back."  
  
"What if he's looking for you?"  
  
Severus shuddered at the thought.  
  
"Give it another minute. If it's me he's looking for, he'll still be gone and I'll find somewhere other than the dungeons to hide. If it's you, he'll walk past us again by then."  
  
Thirty seconds later, Snape felt something in the small of his back that nearly made him jump out of the hiding place.  
  
"What the devil was that?" he hissed.  
  
"Oh, the baby kicked. Sorry."  
  
Severus felt his eyes go slightly wide and stamped down on the feelings that were threatening. This child would be raised a Weasley, and that was all there was to it.  
  
"The little bugger's active today. Must know we're getting out of here tomorrow. Want to feel?"  
  
No, of course I don't, you imbecile!Snape thought furiously even as he turned around and lightly put his hand on Weasely's stomach. Ron moved his hand over and pressed down a little harder. There was another kick.  
  
"Xavier's good, but I don't think it would suit a child of Ron's," he heard from behind him. "Where did he go? Could have sworn I saw him come down this way."  
  
Severus held his breath again, his hand held in place while Weasley craned his neck to look over his shoulder, watching Harry move down the hallway. There was another kick, slightly to the side of where it had happened last time, but still where he could feel it.  
  
"Alright, I think he's gone," Ron whispered, letting go of the other man's hand.  
  
Severus nodded and, without a word, stepped out of the alcove and headed quickly towards the dungeons. He needed a drink and this time, he needed more than a buzz. Though from the somewhat far off dazed look, he appeared to already have a good buzz going.  
  
TBC...  
  
Next time – Don't forget Draco learning of Harry's little secret! What is he going to do and how is Ron fairing at the Burrow? How is Severus fairing period? Find out next time, whenever I get a chance to write it! 


	6. Coping With Reality, When Reality Refuse...

A/N It's a little shorter than normal and I'm not entirely happy with it. I may go back and edit it when I post chapter 7. Please let me know if there are any improvements anyone can see helping. I think it's gone a little sappy on me LOL.  
  
Chapter 6 – Coping With Reality, When Reality Refuses to Cope  
  
Hogwarts was empty of students and Severus found the castle to be, once again, blessedly quiet. Once Voldermort had been defeated, he had seriously considered moving into a private home for use during the summer, at the very least, but once he found he had the freedom to do so, the desire to do so had dwindled. He liked his dungeons and he loved the peace.  
  
His usual summer routine was to relax the first couple of days, doing nothing more strenuous than taking a walk and breathing in fresh air; something he would deny doing with his last dying breath if he were to ever be cornered by a student with the information. After that, he would get the urge to take up some of his pet research projects in earnest. He always found time to work on them here and there during the school year, but it was nice to be able to give them his undivided attention.  
  
During the rest of the summer he would get ahead on his stocking of the hospital wing potions, his own potions for the next term's classes, his lesson plans for said term, replenishing his ingredients, meetings with the other staff as well as meetings (and the horrid social calls) with Albus, all at his leisure. He always managed to find time to catch up on his reading and his correspondences with other potions masters and mistresses. It was a full, but pleasantly quiet and relaxed summer that he never failed to enjoy, in his own snarky way.  
  
Too bad that summer wasn't going as planned.  
  
Severus was three days into his vacation and one day into his usual research time. He hadn't taken any walks and he hadn't so much as cracked any of his personal journals. He hadn't done anything but sit in an armchair in front of his fire, staring at Molly Weasley's parting gift to him. An invitation to visit them any time at all, no call ahead necessary, during the summer, a reminder schedule of Ron's now weekly appointments and the Wizard World's version of a sonogram. A moving black and white picture of the baby that was currently residing in Weasley's abdomen.  
  
He had been ok with his fascination of the picture, at first. After all, it wasn't very clear and he had spent a great deal of time turning it this way and that, spelling it into stillness then back into motion, trying to figure out what on earth he was looking at. Slowly, the vision of arms, legs, a head and other parts began to take shape until he could see clearly now, every time he looked at it, a baby.  
  
His baby.  
  
He couldn't tell if it would have black eyes or brown, or the shape of the nose, or the color of the hair, but he knew it was his child he was looking at. Everyone had told him so, especially people he trusted to know for certain.  
  
He couldn't take his eyes away from the wobbling picture. At one point he even tried to throw the damn thing into the fire, but it wouldn't leave his hand, and he knew that if he did manage it, he'd just go after it before it burned. This was getting serious and all the whiskey in the world wouldn't help. He had to do something.  
  
What, though, he wasn't sure.  
  
It was May 15 and Ron had officially hit his sixth month. He had only been back to the Burrow for a few days, but already he was bored and itching for something to do. If only his body would allow him to do anything. He could walk around his parent's property, but going up the street was out of the question. Muggles actually lived in their village and he couldn't be seen. He didn't look fat, he looked pregnant.  
  
Both Bill and Charlie were out of the country again, Percy had finally gotten his own place and the twins lived in the apartment above their shop. Ginny still lived at the Burrow, of course, but she was out almost daily with friends. Hermione planned on visiting before he had the baby, but she was currently off on her last vacation with her parents before she headed off to University.  
  
As for Harry, he decided to take a summer internship with Oliver Wood's quidditch team, Puddlemere United, before making any long-term plans. That last decision had thrown Ron, a bit. He had been so used to Harry being by his side constantly that he thought for sure he'd take up the invitation to stay the summer that had been extended by his mum. Part of him had been relieved that his friend had chosen to give him some breathing room, but at the same time, Ron really missed him.  
  
His mum and Ginny had gone to town early that morning, determined to find Ginny a swimsuit she'd be willing to be caught in, so Ron was puttering around the kitchen by himself when the owl carrying the Daily Prophet arrived. He yawned, took the paper, paid the bird and opened the paper to see a photo from before the accident of himself and the friend who had been so recently on his mind.  
  
If the headline was to be believed, he had the answer he was looking for to why Harry wasn't making himself available anymore. Actually, it cleared up a lot of things.  
  
"Mum, dad, I have to go back. Immediately."  
  
"Hermione, whatever for?" her mother asked the young woman who was currently flinging her wardrobe from the hotel closet back into her suitcase with the aide of her wand.  
  
"One of my best friends has just been outed by the Daily Prophet and another best friend is going to need me once he sees it."  
  
Albus had arrived just in time to relieve Severus of his burdensome thoughts, but the news he had arrived with was... well, it wasn't good, but Severus was having a really hard time seeing what the big deal was.  
  
"'Man Who Defeated You Know Who's Secret Heartbreak'" he quoted from the headline. "Well, I admit, they should have run that one by a copy editor. It's hardly a secret if it's the headline. Honestly, I don't see why you'd think I'd be concerned. Mr. Potter is young. Of course he's had his heart broken, probably not just this once. It's bound to happen again. You can't protect him from life, Albus."  
  
"Harry isn't the young man I'm wanting to protect at this moment," the headmaster sighed. "Read the entire article, Severus."  
  
Snape glared at the man behind the desk and flicked the paper out, settling down to read.  
  
'MAN WHO DEFEATED YOU KNOW WHO'S SECRET HEARTBREAK by Erma Boomslang  
  
Harry Potter, savior of the Wizarding World and recent graduate of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, may be the world's most eligible bachelor, but his heart is already spoken for. Unfortunately, said heart has been smashed to pieces.  
  
It all started with Ronald Weasley, the Miracle Boy whose story this reporter has been bringing you. It seems that Harry's preference is for wizards (sorry ladies!) and for this wizard in particular. According to an anonymous source, he's been smitten with Ron for quite some time.  
  
"They've been inseparable since they met," their former classmate informed me. "Potter wouldn't give anyone else the time of day. I'm surprised Granger managed to weasel her way in there."  
  
It was also reported that Harry's affectionate and protective behavior towards the other young man increased at the start of Ron's pregnancy by their potions instructor, Professor Severus Snape.  
  
"Oh, Potter's just devastated that Weasley would have someone else's baby. He's also not happy that Weasley won't marry him, so he's run off to play quidditch while Weasley goes home to have the baby."  
  
Harry Potter, rejected by his true love. Ronald Weasley, abandoned by both the father of his child and his best friend in his time of need. When will either of these poor dears catch a break?'  
  
Snape tossed the paper back onto the headmaster's desk and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"We both know it's a load of rubbish. Even if Potter does fancy himself in love, he'll get over it. That's the only part that even has a chance of being remotely accurate."  
  
"The abandonment part of it isn't?"  
  
"You will not try and make me feel guilty over a decision that both that boy and I have agreed on," Severus fumed. "He does not want me there any more than I want to be there. He has his friends and his family. And don't try to give me any crap about him raising the child alone. He's not even going to be raising the child. His parents are. The boy is fine."  
  
"Perhaps," Albus mused, leaning back in his chair and stroking his beard. "But I imagine that he's seen this article and it's been a bit of a shock. Wouldn't you say?"  
  
"How can it be? Potter hung all over him."  
  
"Yes, but Mr. Weasley is notoriously dense on matters of the heart."  
  
Snape rolled his eyes.  
  
"Still don't see why I'm here having this conversation."  
  
"Now Severus," Albus smiled, not bothering to hide a chuckle. "No need to get petulant. I do think it would be wise to visit Mr. Weasley and make certain that he and the child are doing alright."  
  
"And you've called me to your office to let me know you're going and I'm in charge while you're gone?"  
  
Albus just smiled.  
  
Harry crumpled the paper up in his hand and threw it, hard, at the door of his locker. With a shudder, he dropped his face into his hands and groaned. This was not how he wanted Ron to find out about his preferences, and he had hoped to be over his infatuation with his best friend before he told him.  
  
"Alright there, Harry?" a welcomed, but not at that moment, voice asked.  
  
"Yeah, Oliver, thanks for asking," he replied without looking up.  
  
"Saw the Daily Prophet," Oliver continued, sitting next to Harry on the bench. "I know you were raised by muggles, but you do know that this is no big deal in the Wizarding World, right?"  
  
"Being gay? Yeah, I know," Harry sighed, finally looking up. "But I didn't want Ron finding out this way."  
  
"Ah, so that part is true as well?"  
  
"Yeah, well, kinda. I'm not happy, but I don't consider myself as horribly heartbroken over it as the Prophet seems to imply and I don't think Ron was my 'one true love.' At least, I hope not."  
  
"Glad to hear that!" Oliver grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. "There's someone I think you should meet."  
  
"You knew, didn't you?" Ron accused the moment Hermione walked through the door of the Burrow.  
  
"Now, Ron, Hermione just got here," Mrs. Weasley admonished. "Give her a chance to get settled into her room. You have Percy's old room, dear."  
  
"Thank you," Hermione acknowledged before turning back to her long-term friend. "Knew what?"  
  
Ron's only response was to wave the Daily Prophet for the morning before in her face.  
  
"Oh, that," she said, having the decency to look embarrassed. "Yes, I did, but you didn't return his feelings and he didn't want you to know. I thought it would cause less harm to tell you than it would if I had. I didn't know the paper would get a hold of the story."  
  
"Please! They're always getting a hold of anything we don't want them knowing about. Is the color of your knickers a secret? Cause it might be tomorrow's headline! Besides, how do you know I couldn't return his feelings? No one asked me."  
  
Hermione looked completely gob smacked.  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"No! I'm straight! But I still should have been asked!"  
  
"He's feeling a little emotional lately," Molly interjected. "Between the hormones, the swelling ankles and not being able to see his feet, he loses it every now and then."  
  
"He's in the room!" Ron shouted and then huffed up the stairs in a snit, as fast as his bulk could carry him.  
  
"Ron, please, I'm sorry."  
  
"Go away, Hermione," the young man said from the other side of the door.  
  
"Ron, just let me in. I swear, I didn't do this to hurt you!"  
  
Finally, Ron opened the door and let her into his room.  
  
"I know," he sighed as he sat down on his bed. "It was just such a shock. Why didn't he tell me himself?"  
  
"He didn't want to risk losing your friendship."  
  
"He's gone now...?"  
  
"Because he couldn't bear watching you anymore. Oh Ron, he does hurt, but he'll get over it. He really will."  
  
"I hope so," Ron said as he accepted the comfort of Hermione's hug. "Because I really need both of my best friends."  
  
"Ron!" Molly called from down stairs. "Come down, dear! Severus just arrived to see how you're doing!"  
  
A dark, insistent voice sounded from below, not loud enough for them to make out the words, but the annoyed tone of voice came in clearly. Ron heaved another sigh and rolled his eyes.  
  
"Now him, I don't need."  
  
"Yeah, sure," Hermione laughed. "I know you don't mean that, after spending the last two months of school teamed up to avoid Harry and The Book."  
  
"True," Ron cracked a smile. "He did know a lot of good hiding places."  
  
"Have you seen the article?"  
  
"Yes," Ron replied to the clipped question.  
  
"No harm came about?"  
  
"None."  
  
"You seem to be progressing adequately."  
  
"I'm as big as a house."  
  
Snape paused.  
  
"Yes. Not long now, though."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Very well. I'm through here. Good day."  
  
"Severus, stay for dinner," Molly cut in before he could so much as turn towards the door.  
  
"No thank you, Molly."  
  
"Oh, now, Severus, you haven't seen Ron in awhile. I insist."  
  
"I've seen him quite enough, thank you. I'll be taking my leave now."  
  
"So, Severus, how is your summer holiday going?"  
  
Snape did his level best not to glare at Arthur Weasley as he accepted the bowl of mashed potatoes that the girl Weasley was passing. He still couldn't figure out how he had been talked into staying for dinner and he wondered if Molly had cursed him. One moment he was insisting that he didn't want to stay and was heading out the door, the next moment he was sitting at the table.  
  
"Not as expected," he replied. "I'm assuming you are glad to have your family back under your roof."  
  
"Oh, yes," Arthur smiled, squeezing Molly's hand. "It's a little emptier than usual, what with Percy and the twins moved out, but we're really looking forward to the birth of our grandchild."  
  
Severus snorted lightly; fully aware he was probably being very rude and not really caring.  
  
"Perhaps you should accustom yourself to referring to it as your child, seeing as Ronald will be handing him or her over."  
  
"Oh, Ron didn't tell you?"  
  
"Tell me? What?" Severus turned his attention back over to the household's youngest son who was studiously ignoring the glare he was receiving. Snape couldn't help but notice he was an interesting shade of red.  
  
"I've decided to raise the baby, after all," he said, still not looking up.  
  
Severus promptly passed out.  
  
TBC 


	7. Let the Fits Begin!

Hello! Update time! It's been a couple of weeks, but that sure beat a couple of months, I assume :-). Anyhow, I got a couple of requests, one through a review and another through email, for notification when I update. Well, after some thought, I decided to create an updates list. It felt kinda egotistical to do so, but at the same time, I realize that it will be easier on me and other people.  
  
I would like to make the warning, though, that I usually read, and occasionally write, slash (which may explain why I'm torturing poor Harry) and I do have plans for another story which will include much more of that kind of stuff. I would also like to say, though, that I don't like writing graphic sex scenes (I'll read them, though! LOL) and it will include, as a major character, Straight! Severus. I love snarky, heterosexual Snape!  
  
For the address, just access my profile and click on homepage (  
  
Chapter 7 – Let the Fits Begin!  
  
"He can't possibly be serious!" Severus yelled as he paced Albus' office. "He has a chance to have a life, to GROW UP, and he's throwing it away! Not to mention what he's doing to the child. The choice between it being raised by two experienced parents or by a single parent? That's no choice at all! No child of mine will be raised in a one-parent household! I insist that the child be given to the boy's parents! Don't I have any say in this? Doesn't any one care what I, an adult with more than twenty years of experience over that teenage father, have to say about this? Don't any of you understand that I know better than him? He's a child!"  
  
"Be that as it may," Dumbledore said, finally getting a word in edge wise, "the child he is carrying is his and I'm sure that by now he has grown attached. You do have a say. If Ron had decided to give the baby to his parents and you decided that you would rather raise him or her yourself, you would have had the right. But he's decided to keep the child. Because he is the one impregnated, and the two of you never had a relationship, the Ministry views him as the custodial parent."  
  
"This is absolutely ridiculous. I refuse...."  
  
"You refuse what, Severus? For the child to be raised by a single parent? You could always offer for the two of you to live together and raise the child, but I am done teasing you my boy. I know as well as everyone else does that that would not go over well, not at all. You and Ron would more than likely hex each other in less than a week. Would that be good for the child?"  
  
"No, of course not. What would be good for the child is if it was raised believing Arthur and Molly were its parents."  
  
"What would be good for the child, Severus," Dumbledore continued, sounding stern, "is if the child was told the truth, raised with the truth, that he or she has two parents, both of them men, neither of them ever involved with each other, but who care for him or her very much. And who will be there if needed. Do you really want to have no influence over how your child is raised?"  
  
Severus threw himself, with the utmost grace, into a chair and scowled at the headmaster. He didn't argue, but he let his death glare speak for him.  
  
"But I don't want a baby shower."  
  
"Sure you do, Ron," Hermione assured, smiling sweetly at her friend. "And as your best friend present, I'm going to throw it for you! Of course, Molly is going to help, but it's a bit unseemly for the relatives to throw one."  
  
"But I don't."  
  
"Just think of all the lovely gifts you'll get for the baby! We'll go to Magical Offspring in Diagon Alley and create a baby registry for you so you'll get the stuff you want."  
  
"Mum's been to a lot of baby showers. A few were held here. I watched one."  
  
"I'll even let you pick the decorations and food," Hermione continued, ignoring the rising horror on Ron's face. "Should it be a luncheon, or would you rather an evening event? Either way, I think finger foods would be the best. What do you think?"  
  
"I saw them, you know. Sitting around, laughing, playing these awful games and telling stories about how horrible giving birth is. All the while, the mother sat in their mists, growing pale, letting them tie toilet paper around her middle and wearing a hat made of the bows from the presents."  
  
"Ron," Hermione whispered, putting her arm around his shoulders. "You don't think I'd let you go through that, do you? First of all, it's going to be a party more than a traditional baby shower. Secondly, there will be men there. I haven't forgotten that you're not a woman. And third, Molly and I plan to make Snape wear the bow hat."  
  
"You wouldn't," Ron protested, trying not to laugh.  
  
"The git scared away every woman I tried to set him up with and when I made the comment that maybe I should be trying to find him a nice wizard, I had to duck the hex he threw at me! You better believe I would."  
  
Ron didn't try to stop the laughter.  
  
It was a bright summer day in June when the invitations to a Weasley baby shower arrived at Hogwarts. Many were invited and almost all were excited.  
  
"So, Severus, what are you going to bring for the baby?" Minerva asked as the two teachers sat together in the lounge, working on the next term's house schedules.  
  
"Who says I'm going?" he replied calmly, not looking up.  
  
"Of course you are," she dismissed, sounding a bit alarmed at the prospect of him not going. "It's the birth of your child we're celebrating. You should be there."  
  
"Well, if that's the case, why do I have to bring a present to my own party?"  
  
"You're being impossible."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Hey, Harry, you got some mail. Looks like an invitation."  
  
Harry, still barefoot and shirtless and intending to stay that way since it was his day off, padded into the kitchen and took the envelope from his visiting friend.  
  
"Hermione's throwing a baby shower for Ron. I told you about them."  
  
"Constantly," the other man laughed good-naturedly. "You going to go?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Didn't you say he's been your best friend since you were eleven?"  
  
"Yeah, but stuff happened, and, well..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I get the Daily Prophet. They and the jerk who leaked the story can go blow a hippogriff. You should go."  
  
"I don't know. I'll have to think about it. Well, I'll at least send a present."  
  
The house was packed. That actually eased Ron's mind. It was the emptiness of it that he hadn't been used to. Having his brothers home, at least some of them, was a bit of a relief. Bill and Charlie hadn't been able to go, but they had sent along presents, as did a few other relatives that weren't able to show.  
  
"This is a fantastic turn out," Hermione gloated as she set out the food.  
  
"It's good," Ron shrugged. "We've had more before."  
  
Hermione glared and handed him a tray of finger sandwiches.  
  
"You could be a little more interested."  
  
"I told you I didn't want a baby shower."  
  
"Another guest has arrived!" Molly announced happily as she practically bounced into the room. "And you'll never guess who it is!"  
  
Ron did a mental tally of who had come and who had sent gifts ahead. He could only think of two people who it might be and only one he wanted it to be. He seriously doubted it was him, though. He was ready to walk into the living room and face the glower of the potions master; he only hoped that no one had tried to tie a paper plate onto his head as Hermione had been threatening to do. Ron headed towards the living room with the tray of sandwiches, but found his way blocked.  
  
"Harry!" he exclaimed, just managing to put the tray down before he dropped it.  
  
"Ron! Hermione wasn't joking, you've gotten a lot bigger."  
  
Ron couldn't believe it. He had missed his best friend so much, not even realizing how much until that moment. Tears welling up in his eyes, which he firmly blamed on the hormones, he flung his arms around Harry's neck. Harry didn't even hesitate. He brought his own arms up around his friend, holding him as tightly as the stomach between them would allow.  
  
"I'm sorry I hadn't come to visit," Harry said quietly. "I wasn't sure you'd want me to after that article."  
  
"Don't be an idiot," Ron chastised, letting him go. "It was a shock, but I got over it. You're still my best mate. Not going to pinch my bum are you?"  
  
"Of course not!"  
  
"Didn't think so. So you see? No harm, no foul. Let's have a party."  
  
They walked into the living room together and Ron nearly passed out. Snape had indeed arrived and he was currently holding Albus Dumbledore at bay with his wand. Seemed the old headmaster wanted him to put a paper plate on his head. Everyone was having trouble holding back their laughter; some weren't even trying.  
  
"This is nice, thank you," Ron smiled as he plopped yet another bow onto the paper plate hat that Hermione had been practically black mailed into wearing. Ron knew he'd make her pay for the whole humiliating event and he was enjoying her dark muttering about never being stupid enough to get knocked up herself.  
  
"Last one," Molly announced, handing over a heavy, rectangular package to Ron. "And it's from Severus."  
  
Everyone looked pleased by the announcement. Ron wasn't surprised. The man may be rude but he did have some decorum. He wouldn't arrive to a party empty handed.  
  
Ron ripped the paper off the package to find a large, black leather book with an unknown, but he could make a wild guess and probably be right, family crest in silver on the cover. With a bit of trepidation, he opened the cover to find that it was a picture album filled with photos of unfamiliar, stern faced people. The ones at the front looked very old. The one at the back looked very familiar, a rather attractive faculty photo of Severus Snape. All the pictures had been carefully labeled in the professor's handwriting.  
  
"I don't understand," Ron said, looking up at the gift giver in confusion.  
  
"I thought," Snape began, taking a breath and wondering briefly if doing this in such a public setting had been a good idea. "I thought the child should have a sense of family history. Of both of its families."  
  
The other guests broke out into wide smiles and started talking excitedly amongst themselves, obviously happy about the turn of events. Ron was in shock.  
  
"You what!?"  
  
Severus realized something at that moment, while he was standing in the middle of the Weasley kitchen, facing off with a very angry pregnant man: he should have told him in private.  
  
"When exactly did you decide you wanted to play house?" Ron asked him angrily.  
  
"I do not want to 'play house,'" Severus sneered, getting angry himself. "I simply decided it would be best if the child knew both of its parents."  
  
"You didn't feel that way before, and we both agreed it was for the best. Remember? We decided that the less we had to do with each other, the better. We decided! Not you, not me, but we! Now, suddenly, you're changing the rules by deciding this on your own? That's not fair!"  
  
"Fair?" Severus' voice had dipped to the dangerous level and he loomed over the other man. "No part of this is even remotely fair. But it is still a fact. And speaking of things we decided, I clearly remember that we decided that your parents would be raising the child. You took it upon yourself to change your mind and raise that baby on your own when you could have made certain it would have two parents! That is why I changed my mind. That child will have two parents if it kills me, and it just might!"  
  
"On my own? Are you mad? Have you met my family? I wouldn't be on my own! I'm going to live here with the baby. I already have an entry level post at the Ministry thanks to my dad and Percy that will be there for me after my maternity break is over. Mum's already decided to baby sit while I'm at work. It's going to be fine. Just because the baby will happen to know I'm his or her father doesn't change anything. Not really."  
  
"And how does the child knowing I'm the other parent change things?" Severus asked coldly. For some reason he couldn't identify, his stomach churned as he anticipated the answer.  
  
"I don't know," Ron sighed. "I suppose it might actually make things easier when the questions start. I just wish you would stop acting like me raising a child is so horrible, like I'm some hormonal teenager who went out and got pregnant because I forgot my contraceptive, not that that would have happened, considering."  
  
Severus stopped the retort that was at the tip of his tongue and rolled his eyes. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that they would have to change their relationship if any of it was going to work. He thought about the times they were on the run together from Harry and The Book, and decided that they at least had a base to build upon. Steeling himself, he placed a hand on the other's shoulder.  
  
"I never blamed you for this. It was an accident. A prank that you and I both were the unwitting victims of. The only ones to blame are... the... ones.... Hmmm, I don't remember if I let Crabbe and Goyle out of the dungeon. Oh, yes, they were at the graduation. Weren't they? Perhaps I should check."  
  
"They were at the graduation," Ron laughed. "You just don't remember because they did a good job of avoiding you, but Harry and Hermione did an even better job of spiking their punch and turning them purple."  
  
"Oh, yes, I had heard of that. Very good. I hate cleaning corpses out of the dungeon, not to mention the letters I invariably have to write to the parents and the Ministry. So, are we going to be joint parents? Raise that brat together, but separately, of course, to be the next generation of Hogwart's terror?"  
  
"Well, sure, but only if you're joking about the corpses in the dungeon."  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow and allowed the side of his mouth to quirk up as he held out his hand.  
  
"Ok, then. For my own sanity, I'll take that as a 'yes, I'm joking, there are no corpses in the dungeons.'"  
  
They shook hands briefly and then Ron turned back towards the living room.  
  
"Suppose we should get back to the party. They might want to know that we haven't killed each other or that I haven't gone into labor, or anything."  
  
"I agree, so long as Harry didn't bring The Book with him."  
  
"Well, if he did, I know a few good hiding places around here!"  
  
They rejoined the party, Ron laughing loudly and Severus maintaining his cool, but obviously humored, demeanor.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N Ooo, I have an announcement! I decided to shorten the story somewhat since it was taking so long to get the parts out, so Ron will be giving birth in the next chapter! Then, there will be an epilog, and it will be done! Also, on the update list I announced at the top of this chapter, I put up a poll to let people choose the gender of the baby. Join, vote, then un-sub if you like LOL 


	8. It's the End of the World As They Know ...

Warning! The birth will be a bit graphic.  
  
So here we are, at the end of the story. It took me longer than I had hoped, and because it was taking me so long, I ended up making it a bit shorter. I wrote this last installment on vacation, on my mother's computer, who has a basic word processing program which means - no spell check. I also do not have access to a beta at this moment. Someday soon I hope to have the entire story completely edited and put together in a more cohesive structure, until then, I hope this is still enjoyable.  
  
I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there will be people disappointed in the story resolution. Part of me feels bad - I wish I could write this just the way you all wanted it, but in the end, it's my story and it has to come out the way I want it to. I will issue this challenge, however: Don't like the end? Wish I had made certain pairings? Then take this story premise, of Ron and Severus accidently having a baby, and rewrite it, making it come out the way you want. Or better yet, or at least, more of a challenge, write a sequel to this one, and see if you can manipulate what's already happened to work in your favor. Hell, it might come out better LOL. If you do, let me know, cause I want to read it! LOL Thanks so much for the support! And remember, I am going to start a new project after this one. If you'd like to find out when it's going to be posted, check out my home page and join my update group!  
  
Chapter 8 - It's the End of the World - As They Know It  
  
Ron sighed and rubbed his stomach. He was uncomfortable. He was sore, tired, huge and uncomfortable. He sighed again and glanced towards the floo. His mother had gone to visit a friend a few blocks away and his sister was also at a friend's. His father was at work. He was alone at the Burrow, and though he had two weeks to go until his due date his back hurt, his side hurt and he just felt... wrong. He wondered if he should floo someone and ask if he might be going into labor.  
  
Course I'm not,he thought in disgust. There's supposed to be rythmic pains and that sort of thing. I'm just uncomfortable. Bloody uncomfortable at that.  
  
Two hours later, as he was placing a paniced floo call to his mother, he was more than just 'bloody uncomfortable.'  
  
"Severus!"  
  
One moment he had been, in the peace and solitude of his rooms, reading. Next moment, his book was somewhere on the floor behind him where he had thrown it in surprise (something that had been happening all too frequently for his taste and he needed to do something about it) and he had spilled wine down his front. Cursing a blue streak, he turned to the impatient head of Molly Weasley in his fireplace.  
  
"To what do I owe this pleasure," he bit out.  
  
"Ron's in labour!" she practically shouted. "Get to the Burrow as soon as possible!"  
  
And then she was gone. Snape rolled his eyes, waved his robe clean, retrieved his book and sat back in his chair, once more getting comfortable.  
  
"I'll be damned if I run off for the birth," he muttered to himself. "She can just floo back when it's born. Probably going to take days, anyhow. Well, if he can give natural birth, it might take days. They might just take it out manually, then it will be born while I was on my way anyhow and I'll have wasted time."  
  
Scowling when he realized he was holding an entire conversation with himself, out loud, Severus settled in to read his book. Unfortunately, he discovered that he couldn't read it. His concentration was completely shot. He couldn't stop himself wondering what the baby was going to look like, if it would look more like a Weasley or a Snape, if it were going to be a boy or a girl or how it was going to be born at all. That was the one thing that was truly perplexing him. He had never gotten around to asking Poppy how, exactly, Ron was supposed to be delivering the child.  
  
"Fine," he groused. "Fine! Bloody, fucking fine! I'll go! I'll do what they want and be there to see it born! But I'm not holding Weasley's hand!"  
  
"You did this to me!"  
  
"I most certainly did not," Severus replied calmly even though it felt as if Ron were about to break every bone in his right hand. "As you well know, we were both in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you want to curse anyone, curse Crabbe and Goyle."  
  
"Fine! I hope they die slow, horrible deaths!"  
  
"Now, now, Mr. Weasley, I'm sure you can be more creative than that. Use the pain and chanel it into something truly monsterous. I'm sure even you can come up with a horrible torture scenerio."  
  
"Severus!"  
  
"Please, Poppy, you said to help him keep his mind off the pain. That's all that I'm doing. I would, however, like to know what you're doing."  
  
Once he arrived, Snape had been grabbed by Mrs. Weasley and shoved into the room where Ron was in labor. Before he could even be allowed to make a token protest, Ron had grabbed his hand and started squeezing with each new pain while the medi-witch was bustleing around the room, setting up supplies and putting Ron into various positions until she had him the way she wanted him. Now, she was crouched at the foot of the bed, looking for god only knew what between his legs that had been splayed open beneath a sheet.  
  
"Well, this is a special case, and I'm not sure how the baby is going to be born."  
  
"Are you thinking there will be a birth canal opening up?"  
  
"What?!" Ron asked in a panic. "No one said anything about any birth canal! Where is it supposed to open up? Will it go away?"  
  
Severus rolled his eyes and shook the hand in his as if he were throttling someone.  
  
"No one spoke to you of this? Of course not. How stupid of me to assume that the person giving birth would have been given all the information needed."  
  
"Just like you, who also knew how males have babies, told him everything you know," Poppy replied with biting sarcasm from her position at Ron's feet.  
  
"Well, yes," Severus shrugged, refusing to acknowledge he'd been caught out, and turning his attention back to Ron. "You see, in some cases when a male wants to have a baby he takes a potion that gives him all of the necissary parts. He gets pregnant that way and he gives birth that way, and it is reassorbed into the body once on longer in use. Though I would think you would have already had the birth canal if that's how it was to happen."  
  
"I'm pretty sure I don't have one of them," Ron panted, and suddenly clenched.  
  
"Breath," Severus demanded.  
  
"Fuck off and die," Ron demanded back.  
  
"There are cases of wizards using another potion that requires the blood of both parents," Snape continued as if had not been interrupted by a contraction. "Drinking the potion is what triggers the pregnancy, not sex. Poppy, Ron drank the potion with my blood in it. Do you not think it would be prudent to simply preform a cecarian? That's how the original potion works."  
  
"Yes, please, make it stop!" Ron cried out, the strongest contraction yet gripping him.  
  
"Screaming will not help. Breath," Snape coaxed, the bite completely absent from his tone.  
  
"Oh, I think I may have to," Poppy sighed, admitting defeat. "It's a quicker recovery with the birth canal method, but what can I do? Oh, wait! He's opening!"  
  
"Is that what that burning sensation is?" Ron practically screached. "Oh my god! My balls are ripping in half!"  
  
With what most people would call a morbid curiosity, Snape peered under the sheet. He shook his head and came back up to head level with Ron.  
  
"They are not. It's the space just below your testicles that an opening is forming. It looks much like a woman's vagina; just the opening, none of the other parts."  
  
"As if you'd know!" Ron all but howled.  
  
Severus smirked. Evilly.  
  
"Ron, you are open and fully dialated. On the next contraction I want you to push."  
  
"Ok. Ah!"  
  
"Ah!" Severus yelled out along with him. Ron crushing is fingers even harder than before having everything to do with it. He didn't, however, say anything to the young man about it.  
  
"Keep going, keep going!"  
  
"I'm going, I'm going!"  
  
"He's going, he's going! Ah!"  
  
"That's it, Ron, push again. Rest. Now push. Oh! That's it! I see the head!"  
  
"Where?"  
  
Completely forgetting himself, Severus leaned down and stuck his head around the sheet again. There in front of him was the oddest sight he had ever seen: sandwhiched between testicles and an anus that all looked like they were being painfully stretched, a scalp covered in black hair matted in things he didn't want to cotemplate was peaking out of the brand new opening in Ron's body. The hand behind him was squeezed painfully and Ron let out another loud grunt. More hair, then a tiny face came out. Severus was astounded by what was happening in front of him. His child was being born.  
  
The wonder turned to horror as the head came the rest of the way out and a wave of blood came with it.  
  
"That's normal," Poppy crooned when she saw the look on the potion master's face.  
  
"I know," he blanched. "Knowing, however, had not prepared me for the actuality."  
  
"What?" Ron panted above them.  
  
"The fact that birth is disgusting," Snape replied, straightening back up to be on the side of Ron that wasn't spewing bodily fluids.  
  
"You're not the one actually doing it, though, are you?"  
  
"No," Severus conceded, "and you're not the one watching it, which is the disgusting part. You're going through the painful part."  
  
"Well, at least I'm being acknowledge. Stop rolling your eyes, they're going to stick like that."  
  
"Ron! Push!"  
  
Severus walked very slowly into the living room of the Burrow. For the first time in his life, he was truly terrified. Of all the important missions he had been sent on for the Order, he had never been so worried about failing as he was at that moment worried about dropping the new born baby cradled in his arms. Despite his grace and his years of practicing his robe swirling glide, he just knew that if Fate were going to choose any moment to make him trip over his robes it would be the moment he was to present his child to the rest of the family. Luckily, Fate had always been kind to Severus Snape, at least when it really, really mattered.  
  
Molly couldn't be kept on the couch. She met him halfway across the room, holding her arms out for the baby. Severus walked by her, pulling the baby a little closer to himself, and glaring. Instead of being angry, she gave him a pleased smile and leaned over to pull the blanket off the infant's face.  
  
"Oh," she sighed. "How beautiful. Well?"  
  
"Well, what?"  
  
"We're waiting to know what it is."  
  
Severus looked at the people gathered in the living room. Albus, Minerva, Arthur, Ms. Weasley, the twins, the annoying Weasley with the glasses, Ms. Granger, even Potter, who looked like he had just arrived. They were all looking anxiously at him for the information they wanted badly and he held, literally, in the palm of his hands. He relished that power for all of two seconds before annoyance over took it and left him physically stopping his eyes from rolling.  
  
I wonder if they truly could stick that way? I've had so much cause to do it lately.  
  
"For the love of Merlin, what do you think it is? It's all wrapped up in a pink blanket!"  
  
It was Molly's turn to scowl.  
  
"Poppy asked for a blanket. I handed her the first one I grabbed. The color means noth... oh! Are you saying it's a girl?"  
  
"Yes, it's a girl."  
  
That seemed to be the cue for everyone else to gather around, oohing and ahhing.  
  
Ron laid back and held the baby close. It was over. Well, that part was, at least. The rest of his life as a father had just begun. The rest of his life in single fatherhood. He looked over at the overstuffed chair his father had levitated into the room earlier, placing it on the other side of the bassinet which was beside Ron's bed. The dark, brooding potion's master was snoozing away, looking almost kindly with his stern face relaxed in sleep. Of course, that could have been more the teddy bear that Harry had put on his chest when he noticed him asleep and that the man was now clutching, than anything else.  
  
"Well, fatherhood," Ron whispered to his little girl.  
  
Epilog  
  
"How's my little princess? Have you been having a good time with your other daddy? Does he play the toesies game you like? Yeah? Yeah?"  
  
Two very different men sat at a table in front of a cafe in Diagon Alley, surrounded by the wastes of a recently eaten lunch and all the things a six month old baby needs. One of the fathers was lifting the black haired child with the blue eyes and freckled nose up into the air, blowing on her belly just to make her giggle, and talking a stream of words, everyone of which she hung on, a look of adoration on both of their faces. The other father sipped his tea and rolled his eyes at their antics.  
  
"Has he been giving you good stuff to eat? Poppy said no adult food, like tea and stuff with butter, just good old baby food. Nummy stuff in jars. Strained carrots are our favorite, yep!"  
  
"Emily has been eating exactly what she's supposed to," the father with the tea shot back with very little force and a twinkle in his eye for good measure. "Honestly, Severus, you act as if I feed her nothing but junk."  
  
Severus blew one more raspberry on his giggling daughter's tummy before primly tucking her onto his lap and picking up his tea, carefully holding it out of her grasp.  
  
"It wasn't you that had to stay up with her after the 'jelly donut incident.'"  
  
"For the last time, that wasn't my fault! Harry didn't know babies aren't supposed to have sugar. He thought letting her have a little of the jelly wouldn't hurt. He didn't know it would give her gas."  
  
"He finger fed her half the contents of that donut before you caught him. He should have been given explicit instructions on the do's and don't's before she was left in his care."  
  
"You know that's practically impossible. Besides, it was three months ago. Are you about ready to drop it?"  
  
Severus just cocked an eyebrow in reply. Ron groaned, knowing that they'd be discussing the 'jelly donut incident' during Emily's graduation from Hogwarts. Snape put his teacup down, riffled through a bag he had beside him and turned back to the baby in his lap.  
  
"I have bought you a new dress," he announced, holding aloft a yellow thing absolutely covered in ruffles and lace. Emily tried to grab it, but her father's arm was too long for her to reach. Despite his showing her the dress, he knew her interest in it went no further than 'can I put it in my mouth'. "Yes, I think it will look precious on you. You are the most beautiful baby in the world, after all."  
  
"She's going to be as conceited you," Ron laughed. "God, that thing reminds me of my Aunt Agnes' kitchen curtains."  
  
"Lovely," Snaped scowled, causing Emily to burst into a peal of laughter. "You've ruined the dress. Congratulations."  
  
"Oh, stop, you know you'll put her in it, anyhow."  
  
Severus just shrugged, knowing Ron was right, and continued to play with the baby. He was playing peek-a-boo by throwing a crib blanket over her head and snatching it off just as Hermione walked up.  
  
"Hey! Fancy seeing the two of you here. Doing the baby trade off?"  
  
"Yes, it's time for Severus' weekend."  
  
"I only get her on the weekends," he did not pout. "I still think it's unreasonable that you get her five days out of the week while I only get her two."  
  
"Severus, it's three and four."  
  
"Two and a half and five and a half."  
  
"Alright, but I'm the one who carried her for nine months."  
  
"And it's my turn."  
  
"That's not..."  
  
Ron stopped, and looked at the man who was currently cuddling his daughter. There really was no other word for it. They were cuddling. He heaved a sigh.  
  
"We'll work something else out. How about we start by you keeping her an extra day?"  
  
"That will suffice," Snape replied, not revealing an iota of his pleasure. "For now."  
  
"Well, now that that is settled," Hermione broke in cheerfully, finally daring to take a seat, "let Aunt Hermione have her Emily Vespa Snape."  
  
Ron forced himself not to cringe at the sound of his daughter's middle name (an old Snape family name, he had been assured) while Severus handed over the child, forcing himself not to cringe at his precious little girl being raised to think of the annoying young woman as her aunt.  
  
"Ron, have you heard from Harry, lately?" Hermione asked as she sat bouncing the baby gently on her knee while Severus watched her like a hawk.  
  
"Yeah," Ron smiled, pulling a letter and photograph out of his jacket. "Just got this in today, was going to take it over to show the twins after lunch. His team may be going to the championships. With Harry on the team, they might even make it into the World Cup."  
  
He handed over both the letter and picture. Hermione glanced over the letter, but it didn't tell her as much as the picture did. A very happy Harry was grinning from ear to ear at her, his arm slung around the shoulders of a man a couple of years older than him with laughing blue eyes, a mop of shaggy red hair and freckles sprinkled across his nose. The redhead kept glancing over at Harry, a look of deep affection and contentment in his eyes. The back of the picture had printed on it 'Harry and Adam, October.' She handed the letter and picture back, smiling, glad that Harry seemed happy with the chaser.  
  
"I've been doing some reading on child rearing," Hermione began, completely changing the subject, and ignoring the groans from the other occupants of the table. "Most of the books I've read have been against the idea of only children. It seems that a child with even one sibling has more social skills than a child with none."  
  
"I was an only child," Severus scowled, and took Emily away from her, as if she had just been insulted.  
  
"Don't take it as an insult," Ron laughed. "Hermione was an only child, too. Course, with the two of you, that does explain a lot. Maybe she has a point."  
  
"Oh really?" Severus smirked. "And how do you propose we solve this problem, then? I do not like the idea of having children with multiple partners, if I can avoid it."  
  
"Well, neither do I, but.... No."  
  
"You just said she had a point. Emily needs a brother or sister. Based on this discussion we would both prefer that that sibling not be a half sibling. Therefor, you need to get pregnant again."  
  
"Me?! What about you? You're not too old to still have children."  
  
"You've already been through it. You know what to expect. Why should both of us deal with that knowledge?"  
  
"I can't even believe we're having this conversation. Severus Snape, no matter how wonderful our little girl is, that pregnancy was a complete accident. I am never having another baby with you! Never! So you just forget about it!"  
  
Severus didn't reply. One side of his mouth went up in an evil little smile, he scooped up Emily's things and rose to leave.  
  
"I will bring her by the Burrow in three days. Do not forget you agreed to an extra day and come looking for me in a panic."  
  
"And don't you forget I said 'no way' to any more children. You better spend the weekend brewing formula, not potions."  
  
"Say bye bye to daddy," Snape cooed as he walked away with Emily.  
  
"What was that?" Ron asked Hermione. "What is going on in that man's mind? He's just trying to drive me crazy, right?"  
  
"Probably," Hermione did her best to reassure Ron, even though she wasn't entirely sure herself.  
  
"Yes, that's it, he's just wanting to push me over the edge so I'll let him have Emily for an entire week like he's been asking. Snape could not possibly want to knock me up again, on purpose. He just couldn't. Right, Hermione? Right?"  
  
The End  
  
Final word: The poll was no help in deciding the gender of the baby LOL. However, I had several reviews asking for a girl, and I liked the review (sorry, don't remember how it was!) who said it would be great to see Severus wrapped around her finger. So it's a girl and he is. Ta da! 


End file.
